Here's a rule of life: You don't get to pick what bad things happen to you.
this post was submitted on 04 Apr 2024
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"If you have a choice, move away for college."
That was almost 40 years ago, and it's still the best damned thing I ever did. It let me grow as a whole person.
"work smarter, not harder" Scrooge McDuck
Damn straight! But still no swimming pool full of money
I remember one time way back in high school some kids were making fun of some other kids for liking something, can't remember what it was. Teacher overhead what happened and stopped it, and told us: Imagine how boring the world would be, if everyone liked the same stuff. This one has always stuck with me.
My grandfather continually underscored to me that no matter what you try to do, even if it is a failure so to speak, you have learned. And you can carry what you've learned into your next effort, and be that much more strong and powerful. There is no shame in trying to invent something and discover that you are wrong, or start a business and not have it succeed, or try to approach something in a novel way and have it fall flat. That is the essence of how we learn and discover and grow.
Furthermore he taught me that you need to let people show you how to do things that you already know how to do. Everybody out there has a piece of priceless gold that they're just willing to hand to you, and all you have to do is be willing to listen. And accept that while we may know how to do something, there's always a better way.
Someone suggested that I get a book called 'Discover What You Are Best At.' Linda Gail.
I was out after a job injury. I never liked any job I'd ever had. The book led me to a career I'd never considered.
Find a job you actually like. If you can wake up on a rainy Monday and not hate your life you've solved most of life's problems.
If it is to be, it is up to me.
I was always tired of relying on others only to be let down and disappointed. I remember seeing a motivational poster in highschool and it stuck.
"Leadership is simple. Take care of your people and make a decision."
This is from a USAF Major who was once one of the first dudes in Afghanistan after 9/11, working with green berets when he was enlisted. He said that it's amazing how easy it can be to lose sight of those two basic things.
"Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed".
It's an inversion of the saying that ends in "worth doing well", and it sticks with me because it's genuinely good advice.
Like, turning in a half-completed assignment for a failing grade is way less harmful to one's GPA than failing to turn in anything and taking a "0". I might not have the energy after work to do all of my laundry, but knocking out one load is still better than none. Frozen dinners might not be healthy, but skipping meals would be worse.
You can't whole-ass everything all the time, but half-ass is better than no-ass. 😸
It also helps overcome the paralysis of perfection.
Sometimes just producing something will do far more to help you improve than any amount of prep work. Do a half arsed job, then figure out where you actually need to improve it. By that point you will have a lot more momentum to keep working on it, and a lot more idea where to focus.
This is fantastic advice, especially for anyone with depression.
Fully agreed.
With depression it's more of a lethargy paralysis. It makes you feel like it's too hard, and not worth all the effort. Once you are moving , it becomes more obvious how hollow that feeling is. It often doesn't go away, but can be fought against. I suspect it's why exercise is helpful for some, but not others. It helps get you into the mindset of doing things. When it's mild enough, this can shatter the false walls on your mind.
Yeah, that's definitely been my experience of it. I read somewhere that the evolutionary basis for it is to prevent action when previous action has had consistently bad outcomes. It encourages hiding until external conditions improve. And apparently it's the same for most animals. Appropriately tragic, isn't it?
Ultimately, humans are quite poorly designed for modern life. Our minds haven't significantly changed since we were chasing herbivores across the savannah. Our bodies never even finished coming down from the trees. The fact we function as a modern society is actually quite impressive.
Depression is likely a bunch of different instincts and survival methods messing each other up. It's likely got ties to hiding. It also likely has got ties to hibernation, along with 101 other minor instincts that can no longer serve their original purpose.
I do know that "learned helplessness" is common to most mammals. Rats can show it, along with depression, when conditions get weird enough. It makes sense as a fall back. Huddle down and save energy until something changes for the better.
One of our biggest advantages is our rational brain. Stopping our own instincts is like trying to stop a goods train. What we can do is be smart. We can reach in and tweak the controls, change the signals. It's hard, particularly with things like depression clouding our thoughts. But it can be done.
I am a ghost in the machine, inside of a bodged together biological computer, piloting a poorly designed meat mech. It's completely absurd, but if I don't take control of it, who the hell will?
I think this is Boeing's philosophy
Being late for work is better than not showing up at all.
"An abnormal response to an abnormal situation is absolutely normal."
If you are in some hellish or unusually bad kind of situation and you're not able to keep your cool or stay positive or whatever your personal mental health goals are, it doesn't mean that you're insane.
It means you're human.
This is also exceptionally helpful to remember if you have to be around hypercritical, DARVOing, and/or chronically dishonest people who behave horribly then take any sign of emotional response on your part as an overreaction and proof of mental incompetence. Lol, no. If you weren't nuts before they started in on you, you're probably fine right now.
There is so much pressure these days for the sane among us to be 100% perfect in all respects all the time even as norms are crashing down all around us, and it's just not realistic or possible, much less healthy or true. So remember:
"An abnormal response to an abnormal situation is absolutely normal."
And then go take care of you as a priority for a little while, because you need some self-focus and self-care while you navigate whatever this is.
Hope this helps someone, because it's saved my ass countless times.
Salvador Dalí: 'Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing.'
I wish I would have heard this quote much sooner... I usually like to flesh out my projects/ideas from the start and it feels unoriginal or boring when it's too derivative of other work... But everything is derivative of something. Being afraid of being "unoriginal" should never stop you from creating, or at least trying. A lot of the time the "unoriginal" work pays great homage to the original work and really does transform the result to something new and vibrant
A very practical rule of thumb, and I've no idea who told me it or if I've made it up myself, is: don't put your hand where you can't see it.
"everyone knows something that you don't." it helps me to not be an arrogant dick. People are good at something.
"everyone believes they're the hero of their own story" too many people are set on their ways and sometimes its best to realize that you can't change their mind. Just move on and don't get all worked up.
This is gonna sound dumb af but meh.
"Don't be scared of it"
The context was flipping eggs for the first time because I was being too cautious about breaking the yolk. My coworker said it in passing and probably never thought of it again but over the years it's translated into a lot of stuff.
So yeah, don't be scared of it.
I was going to share mine from my aunt until I saw this is... basically the same thing!
"Don't let fear control your decisions."
It's just the context was trauma & not eggs lol.
This sounds like a different flavor of "just do it"
“Be where you are.”
One more: vaccines are a miracle of science that save our lives and if you are an antivaxxer you are subscribing to weaponized disinformation and being a moron.
For anti-vaxxers, that probably isn't the only bad information that's circulating in their news algorithm.
My no nonsense easten European coworker once said "If you have even one red flag about your relationship, get out and don't look back. Don't waste your time." She's completely right. Get out before you get mired into a situation that'll never change.
One thing that Reddit did teach me is that work doesn't really matter and you shouldn't knock yourself out for any job, because they'd replace you in a heartbeat and will underpay and micromanage you no matter how good a job you do.
Not sure that first bit of advice is a good blanket policy, but it depends on who's deciding how significant a negative trait must be to constitute a red flag. Some will take this advice to mean you should expect nothing short of perfection and that's just unrealistic. If you walk away from every flaw you find, you'll be alone. My partner and I have been together 13 years. We are well aware of each other's flaws, so we work on them and do what we can to mitigate the impact they have on our relationship. But we also both know that if either of us does something egregious that crosses the line, that ends the relationship. Unconditional love is stupid. There should always be conditions.
Anyway, I think it's useful to pair that advice with "know what your red flags are" so you can identify and separate the imperfections from the deal breakers.
I think red flag means something more extreme. Like not "can't handle failing" which is just human and more "act out in their failures by racking up their credit cards". Which is tactical manipulation.
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