I just need to express how perfect that title is. The way it changes meaning with almost every additional word is really impressive.
this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2024
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The Onion has been doing perfect titles for decades. It's become harder for them in recent years, with reality coming to meet The Onion.
Imagine being the stock photo for this article.
Hopefully it's an AI photo.
At press time, Wheeler announced he would instead be attending PragerU.
That last line brought the whole thing together.
Agreed, was meh until then but the punchline was worth it.
idk, "even though my father raped someone at the same college" definitely made contact
Shouldve had a rich parents. /s
Like Brock Turner, convicted rapist?
Exactly like Brock Turner, rapist who got convicted to 3 months of wrist slapping.
Rapist Allen Turner, aka rapist Brock Turner, who got a 6-month slap-on-the-wrist sentence for what his father called (and I quote) "twenty minutes of action"? That rapist Allen Turner (aka rapist Brock Turner)? The one who only served 3 months?!
Are we talking about convicted rapist Brock “Allen” Turner? The guy who was convicted for raping somebody and only got a 3 month sentence? That Brock “Allen” Turner?
I am so happy to see that this survived the migration from Reddit - just because we're on Lemmy now is no reason to forget that Brock "Allen" Turner is a convicted rapist who got a slap on the wrist!
Seriously, I love how the mainstream media tried to have him remembered as a "Swimmer" and even posted his times, really paints a fucking picture next to all the dead black people who were "No Angels", because of that one time they smoked a cigarette.