this post was submitted on 14 May 2025
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My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.

He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”

I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.

After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

for some, gaming isn't a hobby. it's a calling to a higher purpose, like artistry, teaching, or the clergy.

these people are weirdos and should be politely humored, but not actively engaged because they are the Mayor of Bananatown.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Can you elaborate

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

so he's actually a whale spending tons of money on some free-to-play games???

seems like he needs better fans if the cable is getting so hot it breaks. or maybe there's a short circuit or something??? lol.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Noooo I don’t think his computer breaks he told me that the parts are known to break. He showed me a picture of melted cables someone posted to the internet, it’s a part he wants himself lol

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 week ago (3 children)

yeah, you can apologize

hob·by /ˈhäbē/ noun noun: hobby; plural noun: hobbies

  1. an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure.
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (11 children)

But if it’s a financial burden and doesn’t bring him happiness I consider that more of an addiction rather than a hobby

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

how do you know it doesn't bring him happiness?

your sister told you that he spent a ton of money on online card games. but he's clearly not playing only online card games if he's overheating computer parts. so he could have an addiction to card games, but that doesn't mean all of his gaming hobby is a financial burden that doesn't bring him happiness.

also i feel like you're jumping to fast conclusions about him through second hand information and one interaction where you were kinda being a dismissive dick over something he likes

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (6 children)

I asked her which game and she said it’s called heart stone and he spent a few thousand on the game. He still lives with mom and she says that he stomps and yelps a lot. I don’t think this is healthy.

I am happy that he knows a lot about computers I respect him for that but spending so much on gambling games is addicting I don’t think I’m wrong here. I care about him

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Hearthstone is pay2win af, but I wouldn't call it gambling just like I wouldn't call dumping a shitton of money on Warhammer 40k figures or Magic the Gathering cards gambling.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (5 children)

An free to play online collectible card game by Blizzard. I've only ever dabbled in it years ago, but it does the usual free to play thing where it's technically possible to build a good deck through just playing the game normally but practically impossible to make something cool without dropping money. They also do the thing where certain old cards not admissible in certain game modes after some time, encouraging users to keep buying new cards from new expansions.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

I get that, but the word "addiction" is really specific and implies a chemical dependency in the brain. Lots of research has been done on this, and admittedly here were some that tried to make the case that gaming can be addictive, but it's not been reproducible and most scholars today don't believe that. In fact, a lot of contradictory evidence points to the fact that it's not.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don’t agree with this with all due respect

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

oh yeah, you have evidence to the contrary? site your source. feelings need not apply.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My evidence is he’s living in his moms house spending his allowance on a game and yelping and stomping…

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

right, i forgot youre the worlds social police making sure everyone is acting as you think they should.

sorry, carry on judging everyone!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No I care about my girlfriend’s brother. I don’t want to see him hurt over video games. I’m sorry you don’t see it the way I do but you’re probably addicted yourself so that’s why you’re insistent on arguing with me

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

hahahaha.. hilarious. as if to prove my point!

if that guy is smart he ghosts you.. it sounds like youre not going to just let it go, and ignorance like that doesnt deserve an audience.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Agree to disagree

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 week ago (1 children)

thats not a thing you get to decide for other people

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (6 children)

I care about him though. I don’t want to fight this, I know it’s not my decision but I think there’s other things he’s happier doing like building the computers he is very happy doing this, but I just see it as a waste if he’s spending thousands of dollars on the video games that brings him no happiness, it’s more of an addiction. I think he could invest that money into buying the parts he wants instead of of game because at least then he be happier building the computers that he can afford rather than building a computer only to get angry because of addiction to the game which is unhealthy

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

you need lessons on minding your own business. the happiness he derives from his activities is his to judge, not yours. whether you see it as a waste or not is irrelevant.

if you insist on it being relevant, then you are the problem here.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I just want him to be less angry about video games. It’s a shame he is in his element talking about computer and computer parts and building computers is what he loves to do… it’s just a waste that a lot of his negative energy goes toward the game itself. Just seems all rather disappointing. I’m not trying to fight I just want the best for him

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is it the video games that are making him angry? Based on your post, it sounds like you demeaning his hobby was what made him upset. Then again, this post is all I have to go off of.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I do think I was wrong saying what I did but now I learn more about his gaming habit and how it affects his life and his family I think there’s more to this than we know. I just want t what’s best for him

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

meh. your good intentions dont cover for your ignorance or apparent inability to 'read the room'.

some peoples favorite hobbies are frustrating money sinks. that doesnt mean anyone has the right to tell them that its not worthwhile to them.

you just need to learn to stfu

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don’t think you have to be so rude… what the heck?

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Anything you do for entertainment, that you don't get paid for...is a hobby. You don't have to be good at it. It doesn't even need to be a skilled task.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I see but if he spending thousands on video games it’s not a hobby anymore but an addiction

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Scuba and sky diving regularly is extremely expensive. Are those not hobbies? Sorry but you’re just squarely wrong here.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I think those give the people a level of satisfaction with completing it. I think a hobby is something you enjoy not something that makes you react in anger. I know I don’t have any control over how he feels about things but if he’s happier building a computer and less happy playing a game then I see that building computers is a hobby but playing games is an unhealthy and harmful addiction to him personally

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If you scolded a sky diver for how much they spent on their harness or a scuba diver for how much their dive computer cost, they’d be pissed too.

I think you’re conflating gaming with spending addiction. Maybe he does have a problem, maybe he doesn’t. It’s still a hobby. There are many games that challenge the player mentally, and provide immense satisfaction when completed.

All you can do is apologize, but only if you mean it, because the vibes I’m getting from the comments are that you don’t want to understand and just want to not be in trouble. Sorry if that’s presumptuous!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

I’ll apologize but I think hobbies are something you pay money to enjoy. An addiction is just chasing that stimuli without having a genuinely good positive connection to what gives the person the stimuli. Something like sky diving or scuba is what I’d consider good stimuli because it’s something that is good for the body, being locked in a room stomping and yelping and spending thousands of dollars on a video game isn’t a hobby. It might be a spending problem like you said but I think building computers is his hobby and video games is his addiction

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