this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

Gorilla proceeds to pull his arms and legs off his body, and slap him a bit with his own arms before returning to breakfast.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Built different + got that dawg in em + wants it more

My money's on anon

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 days ago (10 children)

Apparently gorillas are about 5 times stronger than a chimp, and I've seen what a chimp can do to a person.

Gorillas mostly leave people alone because they don't find us the slightest bit threatening.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

https://www.reddit.com/r/primatology/comments/11nqwsa/how_strong_are_chimpanzees_compared_to_humansalso/
Just putting this here because chimpanzees, while strong, aren't THAT strong. A big strong male human is stronger than a big strong male chimpanzee.
A gorilla of course would tear any person apart like tissue paper.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago

I can believe that. There was that bath salts nutcase a few years back, and his victim was left in a similar state to chimp attack victims...

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Yeh what chimps got on humans is they go from zero to ripping your face off in 0 seconds flat, humans either require a lot of buildup to get that pissed or some kind of drug.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

Gorillas mostly leave people alone because they don’t find us the slightest bit threatening.

I love this statement. It sounds entirely true, it really trivializes the part of humans when they attempt to overcome nature and its bouncers, and it also means I maybe have a chance of not dying if I ever should find myself surrounded by Gorillas and shitless (see if my natural shark repellent works here too) .

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

Mike Tyson, in his prime, wanted to fight a gorilla. Mike Tyson was told he would be killed and backed down.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 days ago (3 children)

nah but anon is built different

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 days ago (3 children)

If not for the ethics on the side of the gorilla in terms of making them fight a human, I legitimately do think we should let every single person who thinks they can 1v1 them try. Idiocy of this level voluntarily removing itself from the gene pool is a net good for the species.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago

There might be a line of 100 challengers. Once they see what happens to the first guy, they will scatter.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

If any human would have a slight chance, it would have been Mike Tyson.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago (13 children)

Hot (and irrelevant take) but I disagree. Mike Tyson was actually kinda small for a heavyweight and I don't think any person stands a chance of knocking out a gorilla (have you seen the way their skulls are built?!). I think if any human had a slight chance it would be a huge wrestling or BJJ champion that knows how to grapple and maybe, idk, choke out a larger opponent with superior technique.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 days ago

Gorillas' bones and muscles are way beyond anything this guy could ever experience in his 7 years of fighting idiots. I say idiots because they fight for money and fame, not for survival as a gorilla would. Jesus, their butt probably has more muscle mass than this guy's whole body. BTW, no homo.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Anon is going to get hole punched through him

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 5 days ago (1 children)

No way someone who trains mma and boxing would say "just dodge his attacks". This aint anime bro you're going to get hit

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

If you train hard enough, you get observation haki. Haven't you ever seen that famous documentary "The Matrix"?

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