this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2025

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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.

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not a metaphor for anything (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by indigosfindings:

imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say "no way Dipshit, that's crazy." and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is "well in my major metropolitan area 'Dipshit' is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time" so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it's something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. "my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything." so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but i am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say "it's literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it's not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit." anyway this post is about nothing in particular

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago (14 children)

I've had people say "you" is a slur.

Fuck off.

I could make a more detailed argument, but no. I should not need to.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

Imagine one would genuinely not care about being called dipshit under the given circumstances. Context and intent are more important than the choice of words. I can't call something retarded, but I can call it demented. Crazy is fine, slow isn't. If it were about people and slurs, both words would be banned, but only one is, leaving the feeling of oppression under the banner of Good rather than it being actually about change for the better.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 days ago

"Could you call me something else, other than Dipshit?"
"Like what?"
"How about sunrise land?"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

My siblings, Dipshit and Dipshit, know all about this. 😌

One Dipshit is transfem and is "fine" being called Dipshit; just don't deadname her.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 days ago (6 children)

It's a very interesting take that really makes you look at things from a different perspective, but it kinda breaks down if you think about it. If this person really was saying it like a pronoun with no offense intended, and they were using it to refer to half of everyone they spoke to, and it was how other people referred to that person themself too, then it would quickly seem fine to me. If everyone is calling people dipshit all the time then it quickly becomes nothing to care about

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah it's weird, I very much agree you should respect what people want to be called (unless maybe you feel they really lost all right to be respected, but then it's an active choice to insult) but the metaphor misses me so much it gives me the opposite reaction. If someone calls me some word that is normal to them but usually offensive to me I just think that's interesting that their culture is different for that word.

Of course the non-asshole reaction here is to just say "ah sorry, it's a normal non insulting way of calling people where I'm from, didn't mean to offend you" and do your best to stop using it, but somehow this makes it harder for me to reach that conclusion.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I disagree. If I don't like being called dispshit, the thing to do is not call me dipshit. Your intent stops mattering the moment you know how I prefer to be referred to and actively decline to respect it.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You could say intent matters.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Depends. If you specifically have trauma from being called dipshit then it doesn't.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago (6 children)

Yeah, well... in this scenario where dipshit is an everyday word and used without malice, it's difficult to see how someone could have trauma from that.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Yup. My coworkers like to swear, and I don't, so I just don't swear and they do. It works out pretty well. As long as I know there's no malice in it, it really doesn't bother me.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's kinda like cunt with aussies and brits.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Jesus fucking cunt, you cunt just drop cunt at every cunt you see or some cunts gonna get a cunt in their cunt about it

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Oi! You takin the piss, ye cunt?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Nah cunt

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

wanker

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 days ago (2 children)

You can call me a dumbass all you want, it's part of the reason I chose this name, besides being a dumbass.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Well, that's a dumbass reason

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

Well yeah, I am a dumbass.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Whatever you say, smartass

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 days ago

Well now I'm offended!

[–] [email protected] 67 points 3 days ago (8 children)

Ok, but what is it about?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 3 days ago

Slurs in general
Misgendering

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (6 children)

My first thought was "queer." I know people who hate being called queer, but others still call them that anyway because they're "taking back the word" or something like that

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago

I had assumed this was referring to the case years back of Elon Musk calling a British guy that was trying to help rescue some children from a submerged cave in the Philippines a "pedo".

He was naturally sued about it but somehow avoided rightful punishment by claiming that he didn't mean literally and it was a phrase used all the time in South Africa.

Twat waffle is a phrase we use all the time in my country. We use it whenever Elon is mentioned.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago (3 children)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retard_(pejorative)

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[–] [email protected] 65 points 3 days ago (2 children)

the way i interpreted it is that it's about the "but dude/man/bro is gender neutral!" thing, when someone expresses that they don't like being referred to using masculine terms

[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

Edit: this is tangential to the real point of the post, which is just to not call people things they don't like.

Bro is harder to argue for sure.

And man, unless it's more, "oh man, that's rough" as an excalamatory rather than "good to see you man" is still gendered.

But dude has never been gendered. It was mostly used by guys towards guys, but the origins of that usage (rather than dude ranches or the derogatory term related to that) it was applied to everyone. Dudette came along later but was essentially created because the usage was male dominated, not because dude was gendered. It's one of the rare gender neutral, inclusive slang terms. So much so that when dudette was thrown around, it got rejected as unnecessary, and was sometimes taken offensively. Same with dudina and dudess.

Mind you, the era where it was mostly an underground slang used in African American circles is murkier, since it was underground, less written at the time, and after it got "borrowed" by white kids lost its popularity there.

But when surfer culture picked it up, and it spread via movies, female surfers were called dude, and used it the same way as female surfers. They were just such a minority that the association didn't stick in pop culture because what got seen was Spicoli, and the association with it as being used by guys about guys got absorbed as the primary usage.

There was no gender division in that origin, nor was there a need for it. There simply wasn't a female specific alternative to dude.

Since it is still used inclusively far more than it isn't, it's usually better to assume the best rather than the worst. Someone duding someone in a casual and friendly way is unlikely to be using it as a gendered term. It's more like buddy, or pal, or even mate than something like bro that started gendered and is still predominantly used that way.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

Yeah, dude doesn't really bother me, but the others, as well as "guys," do. Bro has a natural feminine version: "sis." So does man: "woman" or "girl." Likewise for guys: "gals" or "girls." Making them gender neutral just causes confusion IMO, we should instead just use different terms w/o any gender association, such as "fellow," "friend," "home slice/skillet" (the 90s kid in me really wants that to come back), or the others you mentioned.

But yeah, dude is totally fine as a gender-neutral term due to surfer culture taking it over. But the others are a lot harder sell for me.

But yes, be excellent to each other. If your female friend wants to be called "bro," go nuts.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

I'd really like to find a nice, neutral term for referring to people myself, but I haven't yet found something that feels right for me yet. I've never said fellows, since I seem to lean back towards 'fellas', which kind of remakes the issue at hand.

And as cool as homeslice or skillet are, I'm not sure those are quite 'me' lol. Guess there's only one way to find out.

See ya, homedawg.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

Sorry for the mostly tangent, but I guess I’m also more sensitive about terms than I realized.

My sister got married after dating her husband for about six months. On the day of the wedding, my new BIL started calling me “sis” even though it was the third time we’d met.

I actually like him quite a lot now and I’m very glad that they’re married, but woof did that rub me the wrong way. I don’t think anyone has ever called me sis before or since with the exception of drunk women in the bathroom (and I have, all told, eight siblings, step siblings, and siblings in law).

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Not to poke, but the other day at work I walked up to a group of women and just casually said, "hey guys" without even thinking about it. The reaction was absent. It was just a simple response back, "hey how's it going?"

After I said it, I was like in my own head, "huh, that was odd."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

Yeah, it's more acceptable these days among younger women (i.e. a recent grad at my work says "hey guys" all the time), but not as much with older women. So maybe it'll eventually be fine for pretty much everyone, but for now, I think it's still weird, and I'm a little sad that it's being repurposed (i.e. "going out w/ the guys" isn't as clear any more).

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I think that your intentions are good, but you're missing the point. If someone doesn't like what you're calling them, just don't call them that. I don't think if someone was called dude and didn't like it, that they would assume the worst, they would just ask you to please not call them that.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 days ago

Sure, I probably should have specified I was going on a tangent rather than commenting on the post directly. Gonna edit that in. Thank you :)

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[–] [email protected] 54 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I do actually call my mom bro, but if like, a friend or coworker said "don't call me that" I just wouldn't do it.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago

I call my husband bro, and while he is a dude, he’s definitely not my brother (also he calls me bro and I’m a woman ish).

But yeah, talking to people in a way they dislike is making the world unhappier for no reason.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 days ago

Yeah, I definitely see those as contextually non-gendered, but the moment someone asks me not to call them a certain thing.... I just don't call them that again, and apologize if I do. It takes almost 0 effort to use a different word.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

Take your pick, really. I can think of a couple of things just off the top of my head.

[–] [email protected] 129 points 3 days ago (3 children)

OP is a native of Albany, NY, where everybody refers to hamburgers as steamed hams, even when it comes to their patented family recipes. This is for when OP must meet with other people who are not familiar with the regional dialect, even those from Utica, and are preparing for an unforgettable luncheon.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 days ago (8 children)

And they call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled?