this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2025
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[–] [email protected] 23 points 6 days ago (10 children)

I always mean words like dude or guys as gender neutral, and luckily none of my friends have an issue with it, but I understand why some people wouldn't like that. Is there a good gender neutral replacement for the word?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 days ago

I use 'my liege' and 'boss' quite a bit.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Folks.

Kenji Lopez alt signs off with a shout-out to "guys, gals, and non-binary pals" so there's that

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago

I think I had a couple iffy uses last week but friends always know I mean well.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Pal, friend, and bud all sound... idk, somehow condescending to me? I don't really know why. I think the best one I've been able to think of so far is y'all.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 days ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 26 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I work as a bartender and call the most feminine cis gendered women the world has ever seen bro, brother, mate and man. I don't even want to do it and always feel embarrassed afterwards I'm just a chronic bruh poster.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

I was working at this fancy upscale botanical garden and instead of greeting the patron with a very formal "Hello, welcome!" I said "Sup?" with the chin up and everything...

I died a little inside that day.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 6 days ago (4 children)

Is it weird that I'm a Trans girl and I still use dude like so much?

And yet when other people use it for me, I feel like I have to ask how they meant it 😅

[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Neuroplasticity is a thing, but it takes time and vigilance for changes to happen.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 6 days ago (2 children)

dude isn't gender neutral?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 days ago

It really depends 😅

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 days ago (1 children)

It's a little inconsistent, but don't beat yourself up too much. Language is complicated and slow to change, same as our usage of it.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 days ago (1 children)

but don't beat yourself up too much

Oh don't worry, that wasn't the spirit of my comment at all. If anything, I started using dude after my egg cracked. It fits with the chill, tomboyish image I have of myself.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 days ago

I feel that, it was drilled into me in the 90s and I just it for most people as well.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 6 days ago

Fuck, this is my daily struggle. At this point if I realized I messed up in text I let the conversation go for a bit then quietly edit that part out, because when I used to apologize I ended up just calling attention to the problem, which was annoying to my friends and caused it to hit worse.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 6 days ago (3 children)

I used to use "man" in a gender neutral way a lot. Like "hey man" or "what's up man". Probably a '90s kid thing. But here's the thing, it's not about how I feel about the word. It's about how the person getting called that word feels about it. So I've made a conscious effort to stop using it. It's really not difficult to not be a selfish asshole.

These days, the only person I still say "hey man" to is my weed guy.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 days ago

I used to say "dude" and "man" to everyone. It was pretty easy to give up "dude", and I just kinda seamlessly switched "man" to "fam."

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 days ago

Whenever anyone says "hey man" to me I respond with, "no, not anymore" and they tend to get really confused.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I call my female friends dude/bro/man every time

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Again, not a universally appreciated thing to do. Both cis and trans ladies from many parts of the world would dislike this

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I see, well I certainly wouldn't do that with a trans girl, it's like calling them by their deadname so a bit disrespectful

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

Everyone I've ever talked to has been fine with Hey guys and dude in the universal sense.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

I feel kinda like an outlier in that I never used dude/man/bro pre-transition, but now that I'm openly enby and on E I use them reflexively with my friends. For some reason it feels like an expression of my queerness now. I also have friends who call everyone "girl/sis" and that rocks too, but I don't tend to use those words myself. My sister calls people "girliepop" and I find it delightful. I tend to wait to use any of the words with new friends before figuring out if they're cool with it though.

I also tend to call everyone they/them unless someone tells me what their pronouns are explicitly (or via button or something), I don't really like gendered pronouns. It makes for a funny situation where I use they/them for basically everyone except trans people.

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