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When my best friend transitioned it was like watching someone begin to exist. Nothing was lost when she came out. She became MORE. More vibrant, more alive, more enthusiastic, more driven, more creative, more HERSELF. It was like the one who was there pre-transition wasn't even a whole person but just a shell or a mask. I'm so fucking proud of her ;~; <3
Yeeesh... I'm not sure if that's the kind of message you want to send... Imagine someone who's in a position where they can't transition reading that, you're basically telling them that right now they're a huge loser that should die...
Sorry what is the context? I am kind of out of the loop.
When trans people transition, some people, especially parents, experience a period of grief for the person they knew. Especially transphobic ones describe that as "my son died".
And they're right. He killed himself so that I might live.
I'm sorry, what? Do people actually say that?? Wtf?
Both my partner and parents said that, it's quite common.
yea, they say that, or what I’ve seen often is "im grieving the death of my son!!"
like, why not celebrate the birth of your daughter instead?
To be fair, especially to parents I get the part of grieving of someone you love not being there anymore. But if that person isn't really dead but just a different (better) version of the person, I don't really get how you can believe you are greaving while you're simultaneously not keeping that person close to you? I mean, that will only make the loss worse, right?
They're grieving the loss of who they expected their kid to be
But I think that's not a weird thing for a parent (not saying it is normal to not want to speak to your child because they are different then you expected, or to dislike them for being who they were born to be).
Yeah but whatever their son/daughter was able to do before, there's no reason they can't do it post transition. If I use super traditional cliches to explain what I mean, their new daughter still knowns how to fix their computer / their new son still knows how to cook.
It's an emotional reaction rooted in transphobia, not a logical one.
But to my point of a loss of expectations, that part is like when kids don't turn out how their parents had hoped. To use another cliche, when their kid who was going to be a doctor runs off to do art instead.
Those parents that love unconditionally will let go of those expectations, learn to love their kid for who they actually are, and in time appreciate their transition as a period of growth rather than loss.
I pity the guy. He tried really damn hard (without much success) and then I had to murder him.
Maybe its the psych nurse in me who already likes watching people come out of a depression but that's what it most looks like with (most) of the people I've known, especially those that need hormones / surgery to improve their mental health. Like the ones that look bony or bloated or ashy or greasy with circles under their eyes and matted beadhead and uncontrolled acne everywhere from not wanting to look at themselves in the mirror or touch their own naked body in the shower. It's not everyone's story but watching the ones who do come out of that is one of the most satisfying things I've ever seen! How do you watch that and not be hyped by it? Like I get that not everybody is willing to wash another person's butt to get there but you can't even admire the result?
Like I get that not everybody is willing to wash another person’s butt to get there but you can’t even admire the result?
It's a mindset thing. To give an example, think of the "meat is murder" vegans. A hamburger is a marvel of ingenuity considering its worldwide success, yet to the people who vividly picture how it's produced from start to finish the end result isn't something to be admired.
The disgust is self-inflicted because their set of values cannot reconcile with the method used or the whole process itself.