Also, sleep, diet, exercise.
I've been getting into that the past year or so and I wish somebody told me sooner that if you get this basics right, you essentially become a 10x better version of yourself in everything lol
this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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Work first on being a good human.
That will make you a good (and attractive) man or woman.
The archaic concept of masculinity or femininity itself is wretched.
People worry far too much about what others think of them and what mold they should fit into. Be yourself. Be a good, caring, empathetic person with convictions and passions and hobbies. Become proficient in one or more things so others find you interesting. Learn how to do things without the aid of technology. Read books. Travel as far as you can. Give a shit about yourself and your community.
If you’re struggling to fit a mold that society is telling you you should fit into, you’re already lost. That doesn’t mean you can’t find yourself. It means that mold probably isn’t right for you. And there is nothing wrong with that. If others have a problem with you not being what they expect, that’s their issue to resolve. The sooner you’re able to let go of societal concepts, the more free you’ll be to be the best version of you.
Don’t confuse being a good man and being a good person. It’s the same thing. There is nothing you can do to become more of a man that won’t make you more of a person.
Yeah this is the most best advice in this context tbh. Sometimes it is helpful to meet people where they are too which is often doing things targeted to men.
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I think it would be great if more men read (or just read summaries of) basic feminist texts, especially Judith Butler and people of her ilk. Before I realised I wasn't a man they helped me. I think the deconstruction of gender that feminism offers serve men just as much as women - it made masculinity feel like less of a prison (nevermind that I ultimately largely moved more feminine).
I remember reading authors like John Stoltenberg, the aforementioned Judith Butler, and some perspectives of feminism/masculinity in a working class context.
I think too many people treat masculinity as specific things. This was a quote I stumbled upon just now.
"Masculinity is not the opposite of femininity, but rather the opposite of boyish immaturity"
Like flowers as a gift for example, everyone can enjoy this, the semantics of how it is enjoyed is different for different people.
"Masculinity is not the opposite of femininity, but rather the opposite of boyish immaturity."
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That other people seem to be misunderstanding your question, just providing examples of men with positive masculinity (although I would say Iroh is a good one, on that topic), rather than resources for men to become better more positively masculine. Is that what you mean, correct?
Hmm yeah that's a good point, I guess I wasn't clear, I also didn't really know what I was thinking exactly when I made the post whether examples or resources were best.
I think both is good
Yeah iroh is freaking awesome
For those that don't know about iroh in atla A video about uncle iroh and masculinity
The Lord of the Rings. Aragorn is a perfect example of positive masculinity. Strong, brave, a good leader, emotionally available and connected to all his friends. Sam and Frodo are also very positive. Books and films are good. Cinema Therapy YouTube channel has a few episodes on the lord of the rings and they are all good watches. The Aragorn one covers positive masculinity I think.
Aragorn also abandoned his duties for decades because he was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. No matter how good you are, it is also ok to forgive yourself for not being perfect or having genetic skeletons in your closet.
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