this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

My mom and I actually talked about this. We love each other very much, but, outside of horror movies, most of our interests are different. On a car rise we went thought some things. Favorite song, movie, etc. As I've gotten older and gotten the language for it, I've explained what overwhelms me and when I need to be alone and our relationship has gotten way better. We actually had a fight last week and it was pretty... Normal. I had said something snippy, and told her soon after I didn't even feel that way because I was upset and was snapping at her, which is why I wasn't ready to talk to her. She actually let me cool off and we spoke later, explained ourselves, and made plans for if the situation happens again.

My mom has put a lot of work into understanding me and giving me the space to make mistakes. I learned a lot of her quirks and preferences through trial and error as a kid, but she had to do that with me as an tight lipped adult. It's not 100%, there are still things I prefer to discuss with someone else, but the work as really been paying off for us.

However, this only works with certain parents. πŸ‘€

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 month ago

"Ya" is such a pet peeve of mine. Yeah or yah.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm not saying a parent knows your inner feelings, but I am saying that after watching repeat behaviour patterns you notice stuff. And with younger kids they don't really connect these dots. So yeah, to some extent we do know our kids better than they do

But this all has limits. And expiration dates.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

They "know" their kids through the lense of their experience. So they've experienced more therefore they feel they know more.

They're making educated guesses outcomes. That's not knowing.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They're making educated guesses outcomes. That's not knowing.

Oh shit do we need a crash course in epistemology here

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No but it sounds like you could use one I'm coming decency.

Honestly that was uncalled for.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

It was a light hearted joke about the definition of "knowledge," which is notoriously slippery.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

heckacentipede isn't as clever as they think they are. As a grown adult I find myself biting my tongue in every interpersonal relationship I have to avoid making others feel bad. It's not a superpower, it's an application of basic emotional intelligence.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That moment, when something on the internet triggers traumatic memories and you're tempted to tell them to the randoms, but all you want to do is to look at pink fluffy unicorns instead for 10 hours straight.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't mean to tell you how to live your life, but maybe if those unicorns happened to be dancing on rainbowe they'd help you calm down even more. :)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Indeed, they do. πŸ¦„πŸŒˆ

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (4 children)

As the years go by and I approach my {redacted}'s, I am frequently reminded of and learning of ways in which my parents were both smarter and stupider than I ever could have known.

My mom can accurately describe a dozen different behaviors that I expressed throughout my childhood that indicated add or autism or something, yet still she was (and still is) adamant that I am a perfectly normal human being. I can't tell if she's just trying to be supportive in her own dysfunctional way, or if she can't accept that she produced a defective offspring. She is responsible for the quote "I don't need a doctor's permission to be weird", and I fucking love that.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

From someone who's on the spectrum to another: To classify a difference in focus or a difference in processing as a defect is inaccurate. "If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will go through life believing it is stupid". There are things that come naturally to neurodivergent brains of which neurotypical brains are utterly incapable. "Hyperfixation" is just a way of saying that we become subject matter experts faster than other people. Even the reviled "attention deficit" is just our mind getting bored of things we've seen before. You are an explorer of the cosmos. If someone else says you are less, just because you find it difficult to care about the meaningless monotony of social constructs, that is a limitation not of you, but of them. Fuck 'em. Find your superpower, and follow it.

I figured out that I am preternaturally talented at classifying bits of knowledge and drawing them together to form syllogisms and comparisons. This has made me find my life's work in teaching chemistry. I get go be paid to be an alchemist, teaching the arcane secrets of the universe to students, showing them how we have learned to bend the very fundaments of reality to our will. I think that's pretty neat.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I feel very much that the gap of what is normal have narrowed a LOT in my 50 years. Especialy in school. While there are laws that say everyone should have adapted teaching, it is just more and more classrom and less and less practical work. With a lot more burocracy for teachers. (Norway)

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

It's an inheritable condition. It's very common for parents of autistic/ADHD kids to think they're 'normal', because their idea of 'normal' is themselves or their own parents, who also have them.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Traditionally, some autistic people passed as being within the range of normal.

And while you could call your autism a straight up defect, you should then be fair to yourself and recognize how many defects non autistic people can have.

I wouldn't say aggressive assholes, unrelenting blackout drunks, and gamblers who put their family in poverty are less defective even though they frequently pass as normal intermittently through life. There's the nature vs. nurture argument, but as far as I've heard there's a big factor of predisposition to these things. Someone more educated might know.

Either way, if you manage to live with your autism even remotely well, I'd say there are much more debilitating defects you could have started with. Could also mention conditions often suspected of normal-presenting people, like narcissism and psychopathy, and also things like suceptibility to religious delusion, willingness to oppress, and finding cruel political strongmen appealing. Those last two are terrible defects.

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