Off My Chest

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I love him so much it hurts. Everything hurt yesterday. (thelemmy.club)

submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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First off, I woke up depressed yesterday morning. Next, I couldn’t sleep until very late last night while my fiancé could easily and quickly get to sleep.

I wanted to sleep too but couldn’t, and I also needed a good cry during to being so depressed all day. I cried myself to sleep and eventually used lavender body spray to fall asleep. It seems that’s the only thing that helps me.

My fiancé can’t be there for me 24/7, and he can’t be there for me when I’m sad because it’s 2 a.m. and he’s asleep. It’s just impossible.

And I really do love him, I’m attached to him. I feel really sad for him due to his family and life, and I really care about his well-being and I love him a lot.

Sometimes I worry I’m not good enough for him, though. He, for example, likes video games and wants me to play them. I only like Minecraft, Roblox, those “chill” games. He said it was fine that I didn’t want to play, but I also have bipolar and felt extremely guilty for it. Plus, I thought when he texted “Why don’t you wanna play 😭😭💀💀” he was mad even though that’s just how he texts.

I eventually realized he wasn’t though and it was my depressive feelings acting up. The last thing I want to do, though, is make him sad or break his heart. I’m feeling a lot better today, though.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Mitski - I want you.

Listen to it 😁

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

Awww thanks!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

Finding someone to play his favourite videogames with is easy. Finding someone who loves him, thats a lot harder.

I strongly recommend talking with him about these feelings. If he loves you too, he will want to know what is going on inside of your head. And probably he can dismiss a lot of insecurities that your mind have made up by itself. And I recommend not jumping this on him, but actively planning a moment together to talk about this.

He might also indicate worries of his that you didn't even consider. Things that you actually should work on to improve, rather than trying to like the type of videogame he plays.

As for trying to feel better, the last thing you mention is a big step: realizing that your feelings are just feelings. I myself have becomd very suspicious of any strong feelings I have, and try to avoid acting on them in the moment. I try to find out what causes the feelings, and what makes them go away. For example: if I am exhausted, I get more self contious, and self deprecating. I know that I need a good nights rest or two to get back to a more resilient and happy state. That doesn't mean the feelings go away instantly. So accept them while they are there. Just remember they are just feelings.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

Don’t worry about if you are good enough for him. That is not for you to decide; only he can.

It is up to you to decide if the relationship with him is happy, healthy and emotionally supportive. If so invest into the relationship or if not realize love is not enough if emotional needs are not being met.

Also it is fine if you both prefer different games. My husband loves Warzone 2100 and I like Fallout and we don’t play video games together but it has been a couple decades and it is a non-issue

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 weeks ago

The fact you care so much about him and have those concerns shows you’re a great SO to him.

My SO and I play different games too; even though we have different interests we still enjoy sharing through talking.

Glad you’re feeling better! Bipolar/depression is a tough journey, and finding things that help you get through is something to be proud of.