Im thankful to be alive. Im thankful for my kids. Im thankful for homegrown tomatoes and roadside peach stands. Im thankful for spaghetti bolognese and real Alfredo sauce. Im thankful for living next to an ocean where i can sit and watch the waves and tune out. Im thankful for being a tiny little spec of insignificant nothing on a mote of dust floating in the beam of a star in the middle of a cosmic vastness that brings me to tears when contemplating its vastness and my place amongst it all. Im thankful for being able to go camping the couple times a year i can afford it, its always low tech and cheap (bedsheets and ramen noodles in cheap walmart/amazon tents) but it affords me a chance to be somewhere semi quiet, semi alone and attempt some self reflection. Lately it placates the urge to go back home when im feeling needlessly wistful.
I think back on my life and there are things im thankful for. Im thankful for the year i spent in a squat in New Orleans sparing for change. Im thankful that year, and the years after spent dealing with drug addiction didnt kill me despite my best efforts. Im thankful for the folks i met out hitching the roads who showed me how to get by. Im thankful to have achieved sobriety (well, 90% anyway) or some semblance of it despite it not bringing the much longed for clarity of mind. Yet. I hope. Im middle aged so who knows. Maybe 2025 is my year.
Im thankful for this place and the mostly anonymous folks that make it up. It tempers my misanthropic tendencies and i enjoy shitposting with some real elites. It encourages me to get better at shitposting and get better at being a good person.
Im thankful i am the age i am. I am at best, halfway through my expected lifespan. Likely closer to 2/3-3/4 of the way through given all the previously referenced drugs and efforts to off myself, but still. I am learning to look back on my life less with embarassment and more with grace, i guess. Beating myself up over it will not change the decisions i have already made. There really is no use crying over spilt milk. All the same, i would not do my 20s again. Likely not my 30s either. Its taken me a long time to even grasp the concept of being comfortable with oneself, let alone understanding that eventually i can get there too. Slowly becoming comfortable enough with my own skin to no longer hide behind a shirt at the pool. Not literally, im a chubby dad bod but metaphorically im getting my swimmers body, svelte even.
Im still broke. Chronically behind on bills, always more going out than coming in. Im not thankful for that, however.
Life seems to pose more questions than answers the older i become and even more so recently than the norm but i have moments where i am happy, life is truly enjoyable, and im thankful for those too. Im trying to make the most of my time here, and despite being generally a misanthrope, and a grumpus, i see how to be happy i think. I guess we will find out.
Anyway. Goodnight yall.
GOOD post