this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
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Non-murder solution:
Place and hold the apples precisely on top of one another. (Make sure your fingers are not in the way.) From one side of the apple tower, go horizontally exactly two thirds of the way to the other side. At that position, cut vertically through both apples from top to bottom. You now have two pieces that are two thirds of an apple each, and two pieces that are one third each. The kid you like best will receive the end slices without the apple core in it.
More realistically, disregard the stupid premise and make as many cuts as you need.
Apple’s aren’t square so it’s not so easy to figure out where to cut that will give you a 1/3 - 2/3 split.