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I hope things get better. I don't know of a simple answer. And I also get that feeling of comparing yourself to others (like your mentor) who live and breath this stuff and it makes you feel like you don't measure up- even when "logically" you know that it's because of a difference in passion. But it still hurts because, at least for me, it makes me feel further incompetent or worthless and it makes me angry that they get to self actualize in some manner in that field.

Maybe you don't have that problem, but I have had it multiple times with my jobs. And even though I know I should feel that way, I still feel bad about myself when coworkers do so well in their jobs and seem to enjoy it while I just do what I can to get by because I have no passion whatsoever in my job. It makes no sense that I do the comparison, but it happens regardless. So if that happens with you, I definitely get it.

Lol this past Friday my coworker and I were working overtime to finish up a report, and I had been pulling out my hair and at my wits end doing these mindless SQL queries and other nonsense trying to get the necessaey results, and by 7pm on a Friday I was just wanting to get it done with to start my weekend. But my coworker seemed to like if and enjoy it in some odd way. He even said that he "enjoys challenges like these"

When that happens I'm just stunned. Debugging queries is this guy's idea of a rewarding and stimulating challenge? Then wtf is wrong with me then lol. Good for him though lol.

Also, another tangent. I just like to rant about work, really. For my company we had to take these "personality tests" for our jobs, and find what skills we liked or how we communicate, etc. Most coworkers got that their favorite skills were "analysis" and "science" (very scientific test we took), while my preferred skills were "music".

At first I thought it was because everyone else bullshitted the test to get brownie points, but when my coworkers saw my results they were simply stunned. "Music? What are you doing here then?" they asked (I wonder that myself every day). But it was weird. They were stunned thay somebody could have interests like "reading" and "music". I thought it was just human. But some people either love this job or have convinced themselves that pulling amd compiling data is the end all be all of actualization. Maybe it's cope, idk? But it does no good to compare oneself to them if it isn't you. It's okay to have interests that capitalism can't exploit. It's frustrating to not feel ones labor and passions as part of building something you care about, though.