Transfem

3449 readers

1 users here now

A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
Please be kind and respectful to all.
Please tag NSFW topics.
No NSFW image posts.
Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
Please do not repost bigoted content here.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]

Some helpful links:

The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.

Support Hotlines:

The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

Just a thought process that led me into thinking too much about who I actually am… (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

14 comments fedilink hide all child comments

(First time posting here, hi you cuties ^^/)

For context, I am 18 MtF but don’t have any medication yet because of the local healthcare system. To add to that, while I am in therapy, I’m afraid to talk to my therapist about this because I will need a confirmation from him that says that I can have HRT to actually get HRT. This puts me into this weird place where I very much should talk to my therapist about it but also shouldn’t because it might hinder me from getting hormones (I hate this system). Of course, I don’t want to replace my therapist with you, I just want some of your thoughts and experiences with this.

Long story short, pretty much everyone I’ve ever heard talk about this has always said that there is a difference between attraction and gender envy. The only issue is, this line doesn’t really exist for me.

If I think someone is cute, I can never really differentiate between the feeling of “I wish I was this cute” or “I wish they would hug me / I could hug them”. What makes all of this even more complicated is that I am very much unsure about my sexuality. Since the thought of sexual interactions actually kinda disgust me, I guess I’m ace? But then again, I also kinda feel an attraction to more feminine presenting people? Yet I am also open for any other, or no gender at all? And more importantly, is this feeling of wanting to be someone I think is cute just from me hating myself? Does that mean that I’m not trans? And why are other trans people saying that there is a difference?

Does anyone of you also struggle to find this line between attraction and gender envy? If yes, what does this feel for you? And if no, what are your thoughts on this?

PS.: You shouldn’t feel the need to validate me. The last thing I want is to be stuck in some sort of echo-chamber. If what you read, makes you think I’m not trans then please please please tell me so.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Long story short, pretty much everyone I’ve ever heard talk about this has always said that there is a difference between attraction and gender envy.

Huh? We must have hung out into totally different spaces. I've seen plenty of posts and memes about being unable to differentiate envy and attraction.

For me, the two have often been linked, especially in regards to people I know. My biggest crushes when I was young kinda fit a type. Slim face, long dark hair, thin; all things I now realize I really envied. I fell for someone like that before I even saw their face. It wasn't always envy, as I often didn't envy 100% of their traits, but envy was usually a big part of it.

Those crushes were definitely crushes, and that envy was definitely envy. These things aren't clean and separate for everyone in every instance. Such is the case for some of us 🙃

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I mean, I am very new on here and the only related subreddit I am on is r/blahaj (and nothing stood out to me in OneTopic's videos so far). In any case, I'm very glad that I'm not alone in this.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

No problem. The egg_irl and traaa subreddits were very important in cracking my egg, so I'm well versed in trans memes. I learned that there are a great diversity in trans experiences, contrary to the narratives of ignorant doctors and insecure gatekeepers.

Some people transition back to their assigned gender and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, invalidating a person who hasn't settled on a label can delay their progress. If someone doesn't end up identifying with a label, affirming them will do more to help them find their identity than insisting that they're "trenders." Transmedicalists often claim that invalidation is "in the person's best interest," but they're flat out wrong. They're just bullies.

Sexologists and evolutionary psychologists often rely on biased assumptions about sex and gender that are outdated and close-minded. Blanchard assumed that trans people were either homosexual(attracted to the opposite gender by some bizarre logic) or autogynophilic fetishists(attracted to the same gender) that weren't actually transgender. Further investigation revealed that a great number of cis people experience this supposed "autogynophilia," because imagining oneself in sexual situations is hot. Even if someone does have a fetish, they might be trans, or they might not. They aren't mutually exclusive.

Evolutionary psychologists often assume that queer people mostly exist because of kin selection, basically that they help their straight relatives with shared genes reproduce. However, queer people can and do have kids. In fact, most trans people are attracted their own gender to some extent, meaning they can and do reproduce genetically. Trans people might actually help gay cis people reproduce, with gay transmascs having kids with gay cis men, while transfems can have kids with cis lesbians. Even straight trans people can reproduce with other trans people.

Cis gays can have sex(or do surrogacy and IVF in the modern day) with the opposite sex while raising the kids with their romantic partners. Queer people might get pressured into having kids. Ace people might not be aromantic and have kids because they love their partner, while aromantic people that aren't asexual might have kids because they fuck. NBs can reproduce for similar reasons to any of those listed depending on their specific orientation and identity. If anything, trans people might be more prevalent because they make gay people more likely to reproduce, making trans identities an evolved adaptation.

Sorry for the info dump. I'm a huge nerd 😩

[–] [email protected] 0 points 8 months ago

Don't apologize for this, it was super interesting to read. Thank you for the insight, we're all nerds here I feel like.