Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.
My father is alive and well, but I've always felt like he was dead. I've never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.
I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself "never try again".
My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don't know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.
I still wish to be someone's cherished son. Thank you for reading.
I'm really proud of you for thinking inwards about this. I think it's important for us to reflect on how we feel and why we feel that way-- it brings greater awareness of ourselves. It's a bit therapeutic in a way.
My father also wasn't the most supportive. I can't recall a single time he ever told me he loved me or was proud of me. It bothered me when i was younger but as i got older i realized he was just a man. I realized that there is no test for parenthood and he was just not cut out to be a parent.
Whatever his reason may be, just know that its not your fault. You're going a great job