Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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I was in a relationship with someone who became an alcoholic. When he had been drinking he was emotionally and verbally abusive, extremely erratic and had wild mood swings. One moment he was sweet as honey, the next he was stabbing himself in the leg with a screwdriver telling me I was making him do it. Anyone who has had any first hand experience with alcoholics will likely be extremely sensitive to people who've been drinking.
Can you honestly say she never tried to dissuade you gently? For a lot of women, saying they have a boyfriend/husband is the equivalent to "thanks but no thanks" while avoiding a possible conflict or negative reaction. She might have already made those "polite efforts" without your realizing. She may have been highly aware of your morning routine and afraid of unpredictable and emotional backlash. You say you were not at your best so it sounds like you already know you might have made some social missteps. Rather than calling her a rat and directing anger at her, acknowledge and understand your own role in this. I've come off as an asshole to people I wanted to be friends with, and messed up and they didn't want to talk to me anymore. Is that their fault? I try to learn from it. What jokes can't be made or what favors can't be asked. You say you're sober now so it sounds like that's a start.
You can continue existing knowing you can be better. You're still young. You can learn from this and not repeat your mistakes. Listen to possible cues that someone is trying to end an interaction. Wait for reciprocity of engagement. Be empathetic and understanding of each person's perspective. The best way to say sorry is to change. You changed your behavior towards that girl and so you can consider that having made your amends. You can let that go now, and start fresh with new people and new interactions.
The way OP blames her for feeling unsafe around him doesn't bode well for his sobriety either. Taking responsibility for your own actions is a big part of many sobriety programs.