Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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She might’ve been too scared to confront you in person. If you were so deep into substance abuse your brain chemistry was completely different and your comprehension of reality is skewed. This also includes things like you not being receptive to hints that she wasn’t comfortable talking to you.
Alcoholism is really tough and it’s hard to understand the line between your responsibility while being a victim to a powerful and aggressive drug. We make mistakes, we don’t have to live with them forever but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get pushback from others for said mistakes. It sounds like you need more work understanding the position she was in and accepting that she felt threatened. Her response might’ve been overblown, but you can’t demand others to be rational while acknowledging how complex your own mind is. You also need to understand that admitting mistakes and loving yourself are not contradictory concepts.
I’ve had a few friends who suffered from substance abuse. Amazing, kind friends who turned into inadequate, concerning, and sometimes threatening people under the influence. I hurt for them so much but during episodes the only thing I can do is stay away, and ask them to stay away. They’ve done stupid stuff but we always forgive each other, we stay friends and I love them, and I am willing to put up with their outbursts because of that, and because they keep trying to do better, but from a stranger or an acquaintance I have zero tolerance for that shit. You will have forgiveness from some and not others, it’s part of life.
I have also noticed that they experience memory issues when drinking, so some conversations I have had when I thoughtfully and thoroughly explained things disappeared from their mind very quickly, so you shouldn’t fully trust your recollection of the vibe between you two.
Good luck in your journey towards recovery and acceptance. It’s not an easy life. Admit mistakes but don’t let them keep you from giving lots of love and compassion to yourself, you sound like you need it.