Hello there. I'm a 21 year old guy with strong depression and many insecurities. I'm always trying to be perfect and my biggest fear is to be a bad person. I'm not a pedophile at all. For me it's the exact opposite because I hate pedophilia and think it's the most disgusting thing in the world.
So I accidentally did something stupid that I shouldn't have done and due to my paranoia and overthinking I can't stop thinking and worrying about it.
Recently I played this game called Roblox that I occasionally like playing. I played some online game (within Roblox) where you are a cartoony lion and roleplay with other people. Idk why but sometimes I'm quite childish and troll on the internet. So in the game I thought it would be funny to play as if I want to make a baby with another lion so I jumped on other lions and did this mating motion. I've seen other people doing this before and didn't think too much about it and just thought it was funny. But there is this text chat in the game and when I jokingly asked if someone wants to mate and jumped on them they called me a pedophile for doing this and the fact that I'm 21 cause they were saying it's a kids game and they're kids. Somehow I just didn't think about that at all that they might be kids (I must've assumed they were adults) and felt really bad about it. Idk how serious they actually were cause I later experimented in another game by just telling my age and they also called me a pedophile literally just because of the fact that I play the game as a 21 year old even though the game has no age limit and I know many adults playing Roblox who experienced similar things since that game literally came out in 2006 where many of the adults were kids themselves and grew up with the game (I was 2 at that time). It's like someone calls you a pedophile for playing Minecraft as an adult.
But now I deeply shame myself and regret that I did this. I literally just wanted to do something funny and didn't think about that they might be kids. But it was stupid that I was doing that. And it really hurted me of what they accused me of cause they were saying I'm a pedophile, that I'm Drake, that I need to get a job and need to shower etc.
I know that I don't have the slightest pedophile thoughts but this experience made me extremely paranoid and I can't stop thinking about this every day. I wish this would've never happened.
Idk how I should deal with this and how I could get rid of these thoughts. It feels like since that happened I ruined my life and made my soul dirty and can never undo this!
Since you have OCD, the fact that you despise pedophilia is why you can't let go of it. You grasp onto the worst possible thing and obsess over it. I can't give you advice, because I don't know what helps with OCD specifically, but I can tell you that that particular thoughts you're latching onto are incredibly common. I have seen many many people with ocd admit to thoughts of being a perpetrator, and it's always because they are so disgusted by the possibility.
https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/moral-scrupulosity-ocd-part-three/ some advice from professionals?
https://www.tumblr.com/scrupulosity-comics/726298023477542912/i-feel-like-a-many-headed-hydra-monk-of
This person personifies their scrupulosity in their comics as a monk
That's exactly it, you hit the nail on the head!