this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2025
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

Keep in mind this is a 4chan green text, so the faux pas may have been mentioning Boku No Pico or something less innocent than “anime”

It’s not necessarily about “changing who you are,” it can be about the way you express those hobbies. Some people are definitely unfairly biased against video games and anime, but some people have encountered people who explore those hobbies in an unhealthy way.

Eg, when I am dating, I do avoid people who list gaming as their primary interest, even as a gamer myself. I might message someone who has a particular game I like mentioned in their profile, but rarely. Having gaming and anime listed primarily/only just has not been a good indicator - especially when it is left as generic as “gaming” and “anime.” Balder’s Gate 3 is normie-af and I doubt was the problem.

They can be very isolating hobbies too in how they are pursued - sometimes as a form of escapism for deeper issues. I wasted most of my twenties being a bang maid and mommy for my husband as he rotated through FIFA and Ubisoft releases, and I don’t think my experience is necessarily unique. He had a pastor who almost went through a divorce because of a World of Warcraft addiction. That’s the kind of thing that’s going to flash through most heterosexual women’s minds. It is painful to come home after work to a grunt and a pile of dishes and the flash of the screen. This is not to say that all or most gamers are like this - but if you do game and have a partner, you should sit and think to yourself about how it does relate to the time spent on other types of hobbies.

Another aspect is that receptive/passive hobbies can be less interesting to talk about? Listening to someone rehash a show is usually going to be less interesting then watching the show. Remember that a first date especially needs to have a lot of push and pull. If they haven’t watched the show, a brief this is what it is this is why I like it, what shows do you like? With games, try to find out what games they like first and match their power level. The Sims and farming games are safe and common - and if you make someone feel comfortable by listening to them talk about their Sims legacy challenge, you can talk about the benefits of your Smash main.

But also, the technical aspects of someone else’s hobby are just not something that most will want to listen to, without already having a connection. I’d love if I could make genitals flush by showing off my Hush runs or the fact that one time in Nethack I actually got a character through the mines and to the castle.