That’s very fair lol. The militancy with which I’ve noticed many trans women approach feminism is also interesting. I to this day stand by my collegiate commitment to never wear makeup to work or to appear professional and to only use it to enhance or express never to hide perceived flaws. It’s important to me not to hold up the unfair expectations on my fellow women. And yeah Dr. Serrano also played a role in my willingness to embrace my femininity, but so did some very loud and outspoken femme lesbians who taught me to associate femininity with having the potential for power when I wield it for my own desire rather than for the desires of others. That said I’m still very much a lazy femme.

And I kinda get that feeling that going back to jeans and a tshirt would be like recloseting. I definitely cringe at how long I wore oversized men’s shirts. But for me it was always “well this is what the other women in my life wear.” And for me there was the big beard shave that was my crossing of the rubicon. There was also an element of the fact that I had a pretty bad nlog phase in response to the expectation of hyperfemininity that was just starting to be relaxed on trans women in the mid 10s. Hell I could do a whole rant about how the the expectations that had been placed on trans people by the medical establishment in order to transition fucked me up even though I managed to transition relatively young for the time and not be blocked.

And yeah I thought I couldn’t be a trans woman because I wasn’t hyperfeminine or boy crazy. My teenage relationship with femininity was downright normal by cis lesbian standards and my attraction to men was so mild and rare that I only really became fully aware of it when it went away after starting hormones. It took seeing trans women online who were just normal women (albeit normal by traumatized lesbian standards). Well that and they used to say that you shouldn’t transition until it was your only option to continue living. It was from an era where it was safe to assume transitioning would cost you everything, and well I waited that long. I just lucked out with how young I hit it.

And yeah, as I came out and began transitioning the social floodgates continued bursting open. And thankfully I got out of my nlog phase and got to know women who’d transitioned before me. It gave context and provided me with the opportunity to grow into myself. That and spending more time with other lesbians. Sorry for the history rant lol, idk how I got to act so damn old despite only being 30.

I think it's OK to be selfish, so long as that means prioritizing self-interest over that of others, rather than being greedy at others' expense. And transitioning does not cost anybody else anything: you don't owe it to anyone to be anything other than yourself.

After all, nobody is going to look out for your well-being as diligently as you yourself.

Yes, in my experience the only people in your life who really struggle are people who have their own issues (i.e. it never actually seems to be about you or your transition exactly) e.g. people who are closeted and who experience pain when reminded of their issues when they see you.

Usually even a bigoted religious person isn't directly mean to you, it seems like the Christians generally reiterate how much they love you and so on (but they don't want to talk too much about gender). In fact, I don't find anyone wanting to talk about gender IRL, lol. Anyway, it's hard to tell how it will go - I think it's also different if you're a minor living at your parents' house compared to an independent adult. It also depends on who is in your life, and how they felt about you before you transitioned.

Either way, transitioning is like taking medication as a diabetic or someone with hypothyroidism - it really is life-saving and necessary.