this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025
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Polyamory

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Question: is it typical for a polycule to exclude HIV positive people? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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I have a friend who is HIV positive and was distressed when turned down sex with someone they have a sexual history with because they joined a polycule that as a rule don't allow members to have sex with anyone with HIV.

Wondering what the thoughts are here about that.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 0 points 1 week ago (1 children)

People need what they need to feel safe, and as long as noone was coerced, but agreed willingly to this particular set of STI risk management rules, I don't see an issue with them. And it seems like your friend's friend has done so. If they didn't want to give up sex with your friend, then they shouldn't have entered a polycule that has rules like that.

I can definitely understand that your friend is hurt, though - they've basically been told "My new relationship is more important to me than our existing relationship", and I think it's pretty weak sauce from your friend's friend that they try to put that on the polycule's rules (like "I don't want to, they're making me do it, I have no choice!" bullshit) instead of owning it as a conscious decision they made. I personally would feel most betrayed by that kind of dishonesty.

[โ€“] [email protected] 0 points 1 week ago

Such great points, both about the polycule rules being oriented around feelings of safety, and the way the betrayal really started when they joined the polycule that would create this situation later. Thank you!!