this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025
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chapotraphouse
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I think you’re putting too much emphasize on romance. Years ago before I transitioned, I sought a lot of validation through romantic relationships. All it did was make me more desperate and anxious.
After I started my transition, I put romantic pursuit on the back-burner and focused solely on myself. I focused on the goals and desires I could obtain on my own, and that’s given me a stable foundation in my life.
Without that foundation, I would still be continuing to seek emotionally co-dependent relationships, and that’s where you are right now.
Even if you’re not trans, you should step back and focus on your identity for the time being.
Who are you? Who do you want to be? Do those two people align and if not, what can you do to make it so? What goals and aspirations do you have?
Once you figure out the answers to these questions, then you can start to figure out what kind of people you want to surround yourself with and be able to ask yourself a different set of questions:
What kind of people do you want in your life? How does having them around improve your life? How does them having you around improve their life, and how would being in each other’s lives improve things for the both of you?
Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? Have you ever felt desired? If you have you cannot feel my pain. You cannot even begin to comprehend it. There's a giant hole within me and nothing but being desired can fix it because I'm a normal human being with normal human being needs
I have been in relationships and they were emotionally unfulfilling and caused my emotions to spiral out of control. And that’s because I expected too much of them. I expected them to fill the void inside of me, but that is an unfair burden to place upon others.
But I’ve gotten myself to a point where I’m content being single, and a romantic relationship would just be an added bonus. And while I don’t have a romantic partner, I have a best friend who’s more important to me than any romantic partner I’ve ever been with.
So you have been desired? So you have had someone who wanted to be next to you when you went to sleep and wanted to be next to you as you woke up. Nobody ever wanted to do that with me. Yes, I would much rather have a relationship that made my feeling spiral out of control than not have one and have my emotions spiral out of control anyway like they are doing right now. I don't want to be single. I've been single thirty years. I don't want to be alone, I'll have enough time to be alone when I'm dead.
I want someone to fill my void and to fill someone else's void.
I'd give the entire fucking world for a little bit of tenderness.
A relationship isn’t something you can achieve through desperation. The harder you try the more frustrating it will be and then when the right person finally comes along, someone you genuinely could click with, your insecurities and weaknesses will be cranked up to the max and will be on full display. You’ll end up sabotaging yourself.
Put the romance on the back burner. Delete all your dating apps, they’re designed to bring you despair. Join some clubs, or find a job that allows you to maximize contact with other people. Make some friends. And eventually you’ll find someone who makes you happy.