Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
-
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
-
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
-
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
-
Adulting: [email protected]
-
No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
-
Mental Health [email protected]
view the rest of the comments
...and...
Do you know who you are yet? Its okay if you don't but that is the starting point. Entering adulthood as you are now in means you don't have to be what others previously in authority over you told you you had to be. However, it does mean you need to figure out who you are. If you don't know who you are yet, then thats a separate topic that I'd be happy to give advice on if that is what you are seeking.
...and...
Employ empathy, and by that I don't mean "make them feel better" but rather, imagine a copy of yourself in their place, your strengths and your weaknesses (this is part of knowing yourself) and empathize with the situation. That other person isn't perfect and has their own baggage. Don't imagine them without any cares or concerns simply because they handle themselves well. We're all struggling with life. Recognize that. Instead of trying to open up to them with your problems, let them know you'd welcome to them open up to you in whatever capacity they're comfortable with (which you have to accept could be none at all). Wouldn't you like to receive the message from that other person that you could connect with them? Be that instead and be the one offering an opening.
Be the person you ideally want to be. Be the change you want to see around you.
Well I don't know, meaning that it's a process, I don't put a finish line to it. But as a process it has begun. That's why I started feeling this way with those I had around.
And as for the rest of the message, I agree but I do know I would be open to them. The problem is, I'm afraid about starting something (whatever it is) becuase I don't know if they would be open to me.
Its absolutely a process, and it doesn't happen overnight. However, it doesn't happen automatically. Its something you need to actively work on in the beginning before you have a foundation of who you are. This next list is just off the top of my head (and is by no means complete), but "knowing yourself" is a set of things.
For the list below I'm making up a fake person to populate the list. These aren't my answers:
Beliefs:
Values:
Goals:
Understanding of your strengths:
Understanding of your weaknesses:
Remember, just because someone told you in the past what your beliefs, values, goals, strengths, and weaknesses are, doesn't mean those are right. You get to answer these for yourself. You're also allowed to change your answers as you grow. If you know what these things are about you, it helps you guide your actions and your life. You don't float aimlessly. You have a path because you know what you want (and what you don't).
You can't let your fear stop you from starting. Just understand it may not go anywhere, and thats okay. There aren't only two outcomes "Good" and "Bad". There's a third in the middle "Neutral". So if you offer an opening and it doesn't get taken up by the other person, that isn't a "Bad" outcome, its simply a "Neutral" one. Try again another time and possibly with another person. As to how, keep it simple:
"I noticed you look a little down today. Everything alright?"
"I'm sorry to hear your dog is sick. My cat passed away a couple of years ago. I have a hint of what you might be going through. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I would be pissed if our asshole manager gave me back to back swing shifts! Does that bother you he did that to you?"