this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2024
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The thing is that whether that guy was trying to "decode" you or not, a person's intentions don't determine the effect that their actions have. Furthermore, just because something is a commonly used phrase doesn't mean it's good.
If you didn't mean to bodyshame people in general, then that's great. You're probably a cool person. But if someone says "hey please stop punching those innocent people" you can't say "oh don't worry, it doesn't count because I was trying to hit someone else, I'm going to keep punching them and it still won't count".
This is a lot of words to take umbrage with "small dick energy" as a piece of slang.
No comments on anyone's bodies, anymore than calling someone an ass is.
If you just called them "a dick" maybe that would be comparable, as it stands it's more like calling someone "a fatass".
And if my comments are long it's less because I take umbrage with a specific phrase and more because I take umbrage with the idea that you can somehow dictate the implications of your speech based off of your intent. If you want to argue that the phrase "small dick energy" isn't a big deal then be my guest. I honestly don't think I would disagree, at the very least there's far worse things going on right now.
But when someone points out that something you said can have unfavorable interpretations thinking "wow how dare they try to psychoanalyze me over a single internet comment, they should know that's not what I meant" isn't a good attitude to have. Once something leaves your mouth (or the tips of your fingers) it exists independently of you, and it has all sorts of implications and effects whether you want it to or not, especially when you're talking to strangers. This is something I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self.
EDIT: it's true that sometimes people can go too far in grabbing the worst interpretation of something they can, running with it, and deciding the person needs to be punished for that. But this isn't an example of that.
So because all interpretation is subjective, one should defer to language giving the least possible offense because the possibility an extreme reading of comments might hurt someone who hyperspecifically applies it to themselves?
That's some small dick energy right there.
My thinking here doesn't have to do with being polite or individual instances of hurting individual feelings. It's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking on this case-by-case basis, but the world doesn't just consist of you and the one person who has a 0.001% chance of getting their feelings hurt by one interaction.
It has more to do with the fact that when you put toxic shit out into the world you are actively making it worse. For example, every time someone who's "not a racist" makes a biggoted joke actual biggots get a little bit more bold. And every time someone conflates being considerate of the implications of their actions with having a small penis toxic masculinity gets reinforced a little bit more.
It's like littering, no single person does much harm by themselves but the cumulative effect is pretty bad. So, I'm not trying to put you down or verbally joust you. I'm trying to make sure a place that I care about, --this community-- remains a pleasant place for everyone. And since we're both here, and we both dislike misogyny, we probably have pretty similar worldviews and we probably care about this place a similar amount. I hope that means we can work together instead of fighting.
To that end I want to say that I've tried to be polite and diplomatic. If I've come across as smug or something then I'm sorry. And I realize that the person that initially replied to you was a bit of an ass, but that's no reason to take it out on me.
I legitimately respect your point of view.
But effectively if implemented as you suggest we're at a conclusion then that small dick jokes, even as a passing reference to the overwhelming societal norms of the past few decades, are a protected class?
In the 90s, many folks called stuff they didn't like or thought was lame "gay" pejorativly. I understand the perspective you are trying to hold here in not perpetuating a similar bias towards the less-well-endowed (LWE). But this is a group that ostensibly includes half the global population as possible members, and the colloquial usage of "big dick energy" has nothing to do with actual dicks. A man with a 2" Johnson can have incredible big dick energy. A lesbian who just laid down the law and owned a task can have big dick energy. Conversely someone always scared of others, or hateful just because things are different is not acting with confidence. They're giving off the opposite, small dick energy.
There's no hate here towards a protected class, or even toward LWE folks. It's about a concept rather divorced from the actual physical circumstances.
Sorry I took so long to reply
Anyway, yeah, like I said earlier I don't really have a problem with small dick jokes or the phrase as such. Like you said it doesn't really affect an underprivileged group, although I think in certain uses it definitely is toxically masculine.
I was replying to you not really because of that, but rather because I've seen the same reasoning, literally almost word for word as what you wrote in a few of your earlier comments, used to justify the use of slurs. Like I said I really wish teenaged me had been exposed to the point of view I've been trying to convey. Because of that it's a mode of thinking I really want to try to ward people away from, even if in this case it was used in regards to something fairly innocuous.