this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2024
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My thinking here doesn't have to do with being polite or individual instances of hurting individual feelings. It's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking on this case-by-case basis, but the world doesn't just consist of you and the one person who has a 0.001% chance of getting their feelings hurt by one interaction.
It has more to do with the fact that when you put toxic shit out into the world you are actively making it worse. For example, every time someone who's "not a racist" makes a biggoted joke actual biggots get a little bit more bold. And every time someone conflates being considerate of the implications of their actions with having a small penis toxic masculinity gets reinforced a little bit more.
It's like littering, no single person does much harm by themselves but the cumulative effect is pretty bad. So, I'm not trying to put you down or verbally joust you. I'm trying to make sure a place that I care about, --this community-- remains a pleasant place for everyone. And since we're both here, and we both dislike misogyny, we probably have pretty similar worldviews and we probably care about this place a similar amount. I hope that means we can work together instead of fighting.
To that end I want to say that I've tried to be polite and diplomatic. If I've come across as smug or something then I'm sorry. And I realize that the person that initially replied to you was a bit of an ass, but that's no reason to take it out on me.
I legitimately respect your point of view.
But effectively if implemented as you suggest we're at a conclusion then that small dick jokes, even as a passing reference to the overwhelming societal norms of the past few decades, are a protected class?
In the 90s, many folks called stuff they didn't like or thought was lame "gay" pejorativly. I understand the perspective you are trying to hold here in not perpetuating a similar bias towards the less-well-endowed (LWE). But this is a group that ostensibly includes half the global population as possible members, and the colloquial usage of "big dick energy" has nothing to do with actual dicks. A man with a 2" Johnson can have incredible big dick energy. A lesbian who just laid down the law and owned a task can have big dick energy. Conversely someone always scared of others, or hateful just because things are different is not acting with confidence. They're giving off the opposite, small dick energy.
There's no hate here towards a protected class, or even toward LWE folks. It's about a concept rather divorced from the actual physical circumstances.
Sorry I took so long to reply
Anyway, yeah, like I said earlier I don't really have a problem with small dick jokes or the phrase as such. Like you said it doesn't really affect an underprivileged group, although I think in certain uses it definitely is toxically masculine.
I was replying to you not really because of that, but rather because I've seen the same reasoning, literally almost word for word as what you wrote in a few of your earlier comments, used to justify the use of slurs. Like I said I really wish teenaged me had been exposed to the point of view I've been trying to convey. Because of that it's a mode of thinking I really want to try to ward people away from, even if in this case it was used in regards to something fairly innocuous.