this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2025
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me_irl
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I don't know how some people actually manage to maintain an actual friendship with more than 3 people, really. Like, where the fuck do you find the time to have 20 close friends?
You know, there are quite a few numbers between 3 and 20. Also you dont have to talk to them every single day. Just meaningful time together. Thats it.
Or at least this worked / works for me.
This is what I've observed of my partner and other more social people - they'll reach out to people they like semi-frequently just to check in, maybe arrange a date if it works, or maybe just trade memes.
[citation needed]
Large if factual
Yeah, but when?
What do you mean? When the time is right i guess?
If you mean how often, well that depends. Weekly / bi-weekly / monthly it really just how it goes.
Just because we dont meet up we dont just suddenly become strangers.
I wish I would see any of my friends monthly. I haven't seen my best friend in like 4 months or so.
Weekly meetups with 3+ friends, that's something you can do before you have a wife, kids and a job.
10 years ago, I had a really large social circle, with a group of ~15 people who met 1-4x per week. That was all fine and easy when the only commitment was university and part-time jobbing. But with a full-time job and kids, all that just disappears.
A week only has 168h. With work, sleep and family, there's not a lot left.
Well i did not think about that. Im in my mid twenties and i only have a job to worry about, so what i said came from this my perspective.
Wait for it ;) It's gonna get you like anyone else.
Except if you stay childless and then you are the rando with too much time while everyone else you know just disappears into sleep-deprivation-induced zombie mode.
It was more of a joke comment about your response. OP says he doesn't have time to spend with (more) friends and your response is to just spend more time with them.
Although I know that's not quite what you meant, I'm pointing it out in a deadpan way as to highlight the absurdity.
There are several people I consider (very) close friends, that don't live in the same city as me anymore. We message regularly, do some online gaming here and there and visit each other as often as possible. And every time we do it's just like back when we hung out in uni every day. While we don't have as much time as back then, the quality of friendship is the same or even grew. I think it's about consciously making time and the effort for each other, even if it can't be every other day or week.
Also not having kids makes it much easier, time wise, I guess.
They probably don't. I feel like people's definition of what a friend is can be very loose.
I recognize some people I know as colleagues or acquaintances, but some people may think of them as friends were they in my shoes.
some folk i know just use friend, family, and enemy. colleague, acquaintance, and any other social relationship classification does not exist for them.