this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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The miracle of childbirth (mander.xyz)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] [email protected] 279 points 4 months ago (5 children)

For those curious, from Wikipedia:

Giving birth is difficult for female hyenas, as the females give birth through their narrow clitoris, and spotted hyena cubs are the largest carnivoran young relative to their mothers' weight. During parturition, the clitoris ruptures to facilitate the passage of the young, and may take weeks to heal.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 4 months ago (2 children)

b4oi5phlztu71-2836181477

This might help.

Female Hyena's have what is called a pseudo-penis. Which is used for sex and urination, as well as giving birth.

Obviously giving birth splits it open fucks your whole year / life up.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (3 children)

My only question is: why would they evolve like that?

Or alternatively, what the fuck were they before that gave birth like this?

Anti Commercial-AI license

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Probably just "regular" mammals.

Mammals have a lot of weird dick things. Some bats have gone from penetrative sex back to just like touching genitals because their dicks are so huge they literally don't fit anymore.

https://www.livescience.com/animals/bats/bats-with-weirdly-giant-penis-have-sex-for-up-to-12-hours-in-a-way-never-seen-in-mammals-before

So having a impractically huge dick was more important for some reason.

Guess something similar happened with hyenas vis-a-vis having become matriarchal at some point.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Because they didn't die like that.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Majority of male hyenas had a docking fetish, and evolution facilitated their needs.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

UGS is my favourite rap group

RIP young Pimp Clitoris With UGS

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Whoosh* What am I missing?

[–] [email protected] 87 points 4 months ago (3 children)

I uh... I was expecting it to be something like they eat a percentage of their own babies or something. Fuck that. Sounds like it would feel like giving birth through a penis.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I was expecting it to be something like they eat a percentage of their own babies or something.

Well... If you insist.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasmanian_devil

"Gestation lasts 21 days, and devils give birth to 20–30 young standing up ... As there are only four nipples in the pouch, competition is fierce, and few newborns survive."

One guess as to what happens to the spares.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Fun fact: Female hyenas have a pseudopenis that prolapses into a dick that they rape their brothers with when they’re young

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Source?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Source: hyena

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I remember trying to check this years ago, and finding that female hyena's don't try to mate with each other, nor do they try to mount males. So I'm curious as to where you found that info.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't feel like I'm having fun here...

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Sometimes their hyena pseudo-penises fully rip off when they give birth, causing them to bleed to death!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

😭😭😭

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago

It sounds very much like that. Maybe worse.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Evolution, WHY!!?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

"Because fuck you all" - Evolution

[–] [email protected] 42 points 4 months ago (3 children)

WTF?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

Hyenas got shafted. And, shafted.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Hyenas are matriarchals and they fucking deserve it.

Edit: They deserve their social position, not being ripped apart if that wasn't clear

[–] [email protected] 68 points 4 months ago

It absolutely wasn't clear lol

[–] [email protected] 61 points 4 months ago (2 children)

The original message and the explanation were a rollercoaster for me. Not going to lie

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Interesting how ~~colloquially~~ connotatively "earn it" is more positive than "deserve it"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I debated between the edit and "earn it" but I figured at this point the edit would be better.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago

I think I got whiplash.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago

Hey, the cartoon dog did warn us.

[–] [email protected] 100 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Eve: “So, what’s she do to piss off god?”
Serpent: “you don’t even wanna know.”

Eh the Christian god really is an asshole,

[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Abrahamic* to be precise. They're all the same asshole, just different names. (And, even that was listed from earlier cultures' traditions, FFS. Lazy, unoriginal, and fucking stupid? That tracks for religion all around, really.)

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I love how the gen 1 creation story basically reads like schoolboys one upping their friends about how great their dad is.

“Yeah. Well, my god made the world and everything in it! and he took a nap on. The seventh day!!!”

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Fun fact, there's a metaphorical dick-measuring contest in the bible, 1 Kings 18, 21 onwards (had to google it). Basically, Elijah wanted to prove GAHD was greater than Baal. Long story short, GAHD proved HE could light firewood that's been dumped with water 4 times, while Baal was busy ignoring his followers from dawn to midday.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Swap out "schoolboys" with "old fear-mongering pervs", and you're even closer to the historical truth.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

well, they were old fearmongering pervs, no doubt.

I was just referring to the simple fact that the creation account was a cloned copy of all the others... just wit that squeaky "Yeah well my dad's twice the fireman your dad is" vibe. Sad they used their supposed power of their god to justify rampant invasions and genocide. (which they failed at the genocide because they were too busy raping...)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

They didn't fail at genocide. That's not an absolute, it's a process. They may've failed at outright extinction most often (though some scattered empires of old would point out that they were destroyed by religion), but genocide is an inalienable aspect of every single religion known to mankind. Right up there with molesting children and blatantly plagiarizing "sacred" text whole cloth from other grifter "holy" men.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

They failed the first time around (“invasion” of the Canaanite lands, where they were told to genocide their neighbors.)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

"They" aren't anywhere near the first, mind you, and again: genocide describes a series of actions, not just the culmination (unlike "extinction", as I said).

[–] [email protected] 54 points 4 months ago (2 children)

"imTeLLiGENt DeSIgN"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Love the conversations on the WTF Evolution tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/wtfevolution

[–] [email protected] 35 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I’m with the other person… if it was intelligent design… it was some world creation game and we’re in a speed run save.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Or we have the equivalent of some Spore player who likes to make fucked up creatures for the sake of it

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

assume infinite time and n number of ants: eventually Langton's ants will highway-draw the post on your screen

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It is incorrect, but the amount of possibilities is indeed very great

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

wot if they're running on hexagons rather than squares? HM? Or 3D dodecahedrons?...wait do those tile?