this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2025
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Am I tripping, out of touch with reality? These people really don't seem to understand the problem and that makes me seriously question their methodology.
How so? Can you explain what do you mean here exactly?
In my experience the problem isn't the masculinity influencers. Those are just the symptom of misandry in media and a near-total lack of support in society for men, especially young men. When you go on social media almost all discussion concerning men is about how they are the root of all evil, and everything they do is wrong. It's a never ending stream of shaming with no clear way out. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't: If you try to defend yourself or talk about your own problems as a man, it is labeled as misogyny. "Be vulnerable and open up" they say but if you do it's "don't center men you privileged fuck" or "you're being a crybaby".
All this pressure is an impossible equation to solve for a young man who has been pushed by misandrists into insecurity and longs to be accepted in his community. Not just because society's demands are internally inconsistent, but because they clash with patriarchal ideals among the typical women you'll meet IRL.
I'm past 40 and while in my head I still consider myself progressive, I used to show it much more when I was younger. I was honest about my insecurities, I would try not to take up too much space as a man, would try to split responsibilities equally, and so on. At every turn this has caused me problems in relationships, not least with my wife of 10 years who left me for some muscular macho guy because she "doesn't feel like I can take care of her".
So now, while I wish society was different, I try to balance on the needle of acting like I'm not as progressive as I am so women don't "get the ick", while not tripping into what would be labeled misogyny. It's an extremely difficult game to play and it frustrates me to no end that this is where we're at. I'm moving in soon with a woman who I've been dating for a couple of years and it's clear that she desires that I take a leadership position in the home, whereas I'm just longing for a partner who will share the burden with me instead of becoming my subject. But I feel like I have to play that game or she'll eventually lose interest. Too many women want someone to replace their dad.
Bell Hooks wrote about this already in 2003. But somehow it is completely lost on these UN Women pundits that nothing will change unless everybody (including women) change. You can't just blame it on "masculinity influencers". Why are these influencers gaining popularity? Because they offer some way out, some positive message for young men who are completely starved for positive role models.
I am convinced that a woman's voice will count 10x more than the manosphere, if it offers compassion and guidance rather than hate. But such voices are extremely rare.
FWIW, the "men's health awareness month" has brought me some hope in this. It's the first time in a decade that I've seen women in media stand up to defend and show compassion for men, and I think young men will suck that up like a sponge.
Oh yeah....I'm totally feeling that in this thread and every other one on this site talking about gender. Sure really needs like it's women attacking us men and not the other way round /s. It's not like the largest social platform on the Internet (reddit), and the largest podcast on the Internet(Joe Rogan) and the largest news network (fox) is biased against women or anything.
By who? This is pure projection. Look at who is being up votes and down votes in this very thread.
Is the misandrist in the room with us right now? Where are these misandrist? I'm man, I don't have any misandrist hounding me. But maybe that's because I don't consider women defending themselves as misandry.......
As a fellow middle aged man, I can already tell you have an epic serving of highly divorced man energy. Being progressive isn't about withdrawing and shriveling up like an old wrinkly penis. It is about defending the people who need it and making space for people who deserve it, it is about class solidarity.
Yep, I was right. I am a "muscular macho guy", you know what I also am.... A feminist. Don't hate on feminism just because you have no game.
Get the ick? You said you were fourty...right? You can be masculine and still be a feminist dude, women like being respected.....you know because they're people. I can tell you this now, if you keep taking relationships advice from a bunch of influencers, it's not going to end well.
You can be masculine, have class solidarity, and be a feminist. I rebuilt my own house, work with my hands, lift 3-4 times a week, and am currently building an AR-15.....I'm also a leftist who believes feminism is a foundational theory of class consciousness.
Guess what, Ive been happily married to a professional dancer for 10 years.... maybe the feminism isn't the fucking problem bro.