Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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What the fuck are you talking about?
Do you think that somehow being a trans woman makes you ineligible to be a parent as well? That a partner transitioning is going to always going to put some kind of unrecoverable hurdle in a relationship?
Fuck off LMFAO.
Did I say anywhere in my comment that a trans-parent couldnt parent a kid? What the fuck are YOU talking about?
It'd be one thing if they had this conversation before having a child, but OP didn't. He's known about it for years (see his previous post), and instead of either a.) Opening up to her prior to getting pregnant, or b.) putting off getting pregnant until he was sure about it, he instead decided to continue hiding it and robbing her of any sort of choice in the matter.
Just because I'm not okay with robbing someone's spouse of any sense of agency and choice in whether they want to continue to have kids with this person (i.e. baby trapping someone), doesn't mean I don't support people coming out and transitioning, so you can climb all the fucking way off my back on that one. OP still needs to be honest with her about it, but she's 2 months post birth. What she needs right now is stability.
My wife would have had a meltdown if there wasn't Mac and cheese in the house at 2 months post pregnancy, I can't even begin of imagine the levels of chaos that would be introduced at this point post-pregnancy.
You said this as if OP isn't going to help parent their child.
No no, you're right, OP should just shut up and stayed closeted forever.
She's*
her*
she*
btw lmao
she*
yeah fuck you OP, stay in the closet.
What is this narrative that having a kid with a trans person is ROBBING someone of agency?
again lmao
A trans person transitioning isn't the burden of other people, fuck off with that noise. It doesn't take much effort at all to support your spouse in transitioning, and OP can continue to be a good spouse and parent while transitioning.
Let’s break this down.
OP’s wife has the right to not want to continue their relationship once OP comes out to them.
OP has chosen to wait to come out until after having a child with their wife, and wishes to do so well before she’s recovered from the traumas of pregnancy.
You don’t see how that’s a little selfish and even feels a little like trying to “trap” their wife?
Now, it sounds like OP is about as subtle as a brick, so my money’s on their wife having known for a while. But really, there are some conversations you just need to have before committing to a life with someone.
Nobody has said otherwise. You and the other person are the only ones assuming this.
I guess I must have missed the part of the trans agenda where we're only allowed to be trans during times that are convenient for others.
Do I really have to address this? Do you seriously not understand how absurd this statement is? HEY OP NEXT TIME YOU 'CHOOSE' TO BE TRANS, FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT BEFORE GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP.
I think it's more that there are a lot of people that would not be OK being in a relationship with someone that is trans. Hopefully this persons wife is open and it doesn't cause friction in their relationship, but to act like that's not a possibility is being willfully ignorant.
No shit? The fear of causing friction is the entire reason the OP posted this in the first place. The act of coming out to your partner is difficult and may cause issues yes, but to pretend it's going to immediately and ALWAYS ruin your relationship/marriage is asinine.
And even if it does ruin your existing relationship, living as yourself is always preferable to hiding your true self for the sake of a relationship where you act out a role.
I'm not disagreeing with you...but two months after the person just gave birth to your child? I'm not saying hide it forever, but holy shit, that's a hell of bomb to drop after your life has already massively changed from having a kid. OP put off saying anything about for 5 years, and now feels that 2-mo post-birth is now the perfect time to have this discussion? Like....maybe wait until her hormones have adjusted back to normal? I don't know...just a suggestion.
Hopefully this isn't the case, there isn't enough information here to say one way or another, but it certainly gives the appearance of attempting to trap the partner in the relationship with the child. It's a common tactic of abusers.
Here's a suggestion: take your suggestion and shove it.
You clearly don't understand how taxing it is to stay closeted, 5 years of repression is a hell of a time and if OP is at her limit where she NEEDS to say something, then she needs to say it. It's not as if this kid just popped into existence out of nowhere. If OP feels this is the right time, I'm going to trust her over what some performative ally has to say.
The initial person you replied to was a bit rude in the way it was portrayed, but I think they still have a valid point. Ideally, this would have been better to discuss before kids, and coming to the decision together after the talk as to whether they want kids. Now, if it doesn't work out, the kids are affected as well. Maybe that wasn't possible, or even if it was I can see how difficult that must be to bring up to your significant other. There's also a bunch I don't know about op or op's wife. Maybe op is fairly confident wife will be OK with this, which makes it less of an issue.
Ideally OP would have transitioned at the earliest possible moment in her life, arguing over windows of opportunity is pointless.
If OP continues to repress and her mental health drops further because of it, that's going to affect her relationship as well. OP seems to feel that this is a good moment to come out to her wife, so I'm going to side with her over some unrelated cis people.