Asklemmy

It would be inaccurate to take it as a literal quote :)

This is just what I wish I could say. Small talk annoys me greatly, and in practice I want to shift conversations in deeper directions as quickly as reasonably possible. I'd much rather exchange a few thoughtful phrases with a stranger than a large volume of nonsense. "Can you tell me something important about yourself?" is maybe a little less aggressive. Anyway, my Vietnamese language skills are not good, and immigrants are rare here in Vietnam, so conversation is... necessarily direct :)

I actually do want people to prove they are worth my attention! If they haven't learned or accomplished anything in a year (in their opinion, not mine), then I can't talk about things I've done or learned without it getting awkward, and I have nothing else to talk about (I spend essentially all my time either working or studying). I just don't have room in my life for many people, either. This isn't their fault or mine. My wife is the same way (and we certainly skipped the small talk when we met -- we went right to engineering schematics for something or other).

I'll share a funny story that might explain a bit of my frustration -- I live in Asia, so all my conversations are extremely scripted. How are you / how old are you / where were you born / are you married / do you have kids / why don't you have kids / you must silently sit here and listen while I go on a 10-20 minute rant on why you have to have kids, or I will tell everyone how rude you are. My wife and I get stuck in this conversation constantly. Sometimes so many times in a row, that we effectively do nothing but have this conversation over and over for 3-4 hours. At family events, it's the only conversation that happens for days. It's like a glitch in the Matrix or something, you really have to experience it to believe it!

Of course I still have to be polite, have mostly empty conversations, and so on. It's exhausting, and I don't remember any of their names, because I have learned nothing about them. It's not the lack of people (in Asia?) that makes me feel alone, it's this.