WASHINGTON – Members of John Fetterman’s staff confirmed today that the Pennsylvania senator has successfully completed a total re-speccing of his entire character, including his personality, policies, and collection of ill-fitted gym shorts.
“It was just time to try something new,” one junior staffer said. “You play one way for a while then all of sudden you want something a little more aggressive, a little more range-y. Go heavy on the bombs.”
The changes have been abrupt, showing DC politics allows for almost complete ground up rebuilds mid-game.
“You pick a character thinking it’s one thing, but it might completely change,” one voter said. “It’s exciting but I think it breaks the game. What’s the point of choosing if they can just change it all later?”
Fetterman was defiant in his decision.
“I’m no longer a progressive,” Fetterman said. “I also don’t use a 2-handed mace anymore. Doing a whole different thing – watched a bunch of YouTube videos to get the strongest build. No Woke Mind Virus or infect spell casts at all really.”
As of press time Fetterman staff confirmed that although the senator would be wiping all of his progressive skilltree to rebuild, he was unable to change his Ogre race.
What's funny about this is there's never been anything edgy about Jerry Seinfeld's standup act. And as far as Seinfeld goes he was barely involved in the writing. That was all Larry David and other talented writers. Of 180 episodes Jerry Seinfeld had 18 writing credits and all of them were shared with Larry David. Of those 18 credits 5 were in the first season which is undeniably the show's weakest and most forgettable. Jerry was always just the name. Larry was the talent.
I guess that's probably why Larry David just wrapped the final season of Curb this year while never once complaining about "not being allowed to do comedy" anymore like Jerry is. Turns out, you've always been allowed to do whatever comedy you like, you just have to actually be funny.