I won't be responding again, but you seriously need to consider mental help.
I'm not sure what else you have going on, but there is clearly a lot happening. You clearly need more hobbies or something
Seriously, go join a Meetup, go hiking, etc
You don't need nicotine to relax. You just need something to distract you. And that's coming from someone who used to stress every night...
The way you're responding is a serious concern that makes you sound like a suicide risk honestly. Maybe you need a change of environment
Absolutely agree. Best to use real sounding names too