this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

When I was a kid I called up a local store that sold tobacco products.
"Hi, do you carry Prince Albert in a Can?"
Long Pause. "Yes?"
"Well you'd better ..." click

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Of course it's Dennis.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I always like dead panning my way thru prank phone calls. My last one.

Me answering phone: (store name) Aeao speaking

Teenage boys chuckling: hello, do you guys sell.... Dildos

Me: yes we do

Boys: oh....okay... What kind do you have?

Me: all kinds. Everything from pills to dragon.

Boys: oh...and how much are they?

Me: all 1.25

Boys: umm thank you....

Me: anything else I can assist you with?

Boys: ummm no that was all thank you

Me: we'll have a pleasant day and thank you for calling (store name)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Shoulda said $1.69 to at least give them a chuckle.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They aren't specifically ass dildos. General purpose.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They cheaped out on the flared base. It's only slightly flared.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Some like the danger element.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It can be used in other orifices as well.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Got anything for a nose? Asking for a friend.

[–] [email protected] 137 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

The heaviest bowling balls are only 16 lbs. Anon has never been bowling. Anon made this up.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Anon never went lifted above 2kg either, who the fuck can even throw 16kg without having your shoulders disconnected?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

30lbs is 13.6kg, and 16lb is 7.25kg.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Can confirm, I was really into bowling in college and everyone knows 16lbs is regulation.

I usually use 14lbs, that's the sweet spot for me for speed vs weight vs accuracy without discomfort.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My local bowling alley has a donated pink ball named Virgil. He’s my favorite. 12 lbs which is currently ideal for me, holes are the perfect size and spacing, and he’s almost always available because he’s boring marbled pastel pink, and clearly old.

I’ve never really thought about the max weight being 16 though. I can’t throw that high, even 14 is a bit much.. I used to use a random 11 I found at another alley until I found Virgil at the local place (much easier to get to but more expensive because it’s small)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I hope @sugar_in_your_tea is widely appreciated.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Man, the Jerky Boys would have made bank on YouTube.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Now u put me down the jerky boys rabbit hole. Apparently they split up, and one of them is the voice of Mort on Family Guy, and has still made jerky boys material after they split up.

https://youtu.be/1QHa1tnberg