Should I wonder if we'll ever hook up?
I honestly have a hard time realizing that pan is not the default lol
this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2024
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I think I was more perplexed because this person knows me - we've hung out numerous times. Why would the label I use for my gender identity be a deciding factor in whether or not they're interested in me sexually?
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If you asking if gender determines how people interact, the answer is absolutely yes. There are so many ways this is true.
Can you explain more? I've been in this world a long time and I am certain that I treat all of my friends the same regardless of their gender identity - I come to every conversation as my authentic self. Are people wearing masks over their personality when interacting with people of differing genders?
Its just the way some people learn to be and have observed how others interact.
My dad has a story from the late 70s when he was working in seminars. The more conservative the area, the more often women interpreted being included and an equal as flirtation. And as my dad was married, this offended them greatly.
Your mileage will vary with each person. But what your friend was asking was how you would like to be treated, because he is now on uneven footing, and I think this was really cool of him. Even if it's a bit sexist, it's honest.
Navigating society and following etiquette and social norms doesn't invalidate being authentic. A straight man is going to interact with a woman differently than with a man, not only are the social expectations on how he interacts different, but how he internally feels in relationship to the person is different. As your friend suggested, being a man or a woman can make the difference between whether a romantic relationship is a possibility or not. Courting, flirting, etc. are authentic behaviors straight men will engage in with women that they won't do with men.
What if it's obvious from the get-go that a romance isn't possible, like if you're friends with a married woman? Do you then treat her the same as your bros, or is there still a difference?
There are differences regardless of whether there is romantic potential. I will talk about things with other men that I wouldn't with women for many reasons. Social relationships are complex and gender does play a role in interactions, even if people aren't consciously aware of them.
yes, the way gender plays a role is often unconscious - this is an important point
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Definitely still a difference, courting is just one of many examples of the way gender informs social dynamics. Being married doesn't stop a straight man from finding someone attractive or not, for example, but being a man would prevent attraction.
Not everyone is exactly the same in how they go about navigating the social reality, but yes, gender heavily influences the way people will treat you.
For example, before I transitioned I was perceived as a man and it wasn't unusual for me to hold doors open for anyone. Now that I am seen as a women in society, men won't let me hold doors open for them. It's extremely unusual for women to hold a door open for a man in my society (I'm in the southeastern U.S.), and trying to do so violates the social norms because of my gender.
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