I'm sorry that you feel you have to conform to society's narrow idea of what a black woman is. Some of my friends studied racism and told me of their own experiences I wouldn't even fathom if not for their first-hand account. All I can do is encourage you to keep the energy to challenge this perception, to show what a nuanced individual you are. Have you travalled abroad ? if you can afford it perhaps that would be refreshing

I'm surprised I didn't get immediately permabanned for this post like I would have on reddit.

No, there's nothing wrong with you.

One of my close friends (originally online only) has a similar problem and early on she even got me thinking she was angry at me just from the harshness of her voice, but turns out that's just kind of how she sounds and our group of friends accept her. She prefers her online persona, though, since she does hate herself and how she looks. I think she gets a lot of self loathing from her strict, stressed out single mom.

I think her online persona helps her get over it. A "white vtubers" in your case could maybe help get a load off. Give yourself some balance. There's something to be said about online friendships since they often start with the written word, and once you find people who like you for who you are, it's not hard to slowly explore your own self identity. It's a long road out of self loathing, though, and I hope you can find people you can confide in as my friend found.

I see this everywhere I go. I used to work a job that had a lot of black people along with other minority groups. I had three separate filipino people and one Indian person ask how I can talk so naturally with the black guy I talked with frequently there. I think one of them just had the hots for him, but the others asked if I don't find him scary. Like what the actual fuck he's easily one of the nicest guys I have met. We would talk tech daily and discuss things like how to make computers easier to use for our grandparents and prevent them from being scammed. But it kept happening. The job has high turnover so new people would come in and be scared of him for no reason. What the hell were they seeing that I wasn't? I still don't get it and I think about it a lot because he was like model level handsome with a natural smile that I would have thought nobody could ever distrust. I guess my childhood belief that good looking people had it easy was even more wrong than I thought.

I totally get you on the gifts thing though. I don't visually express emotions like other people and have gotten to the point where I just tell people not to get me anything since I'm incapable of expressing gratitude whether it's there or not. I really wish I had a solution here for both of us.

People who make it their "culture" to be an asshole are the people to avoid.

So many black women glorify this as "culture". I might as well be the only black woman who isn't petty, passive aggressive, or overly willing to fight someone.

You hate that people think black women are overly aggressive, but you think it yourself about other black women?

I'm sorry that this is how the world treats you. It's not fair and you shouldn't have to put up with it. Thank you for sharing, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

You can do all those things, and even in this racists world there are plenty of other people who don't treat you like that. It's not your face, it's systemic racism. They say the same thing about other groups they don't like.

This sounds like a select group (that you may be around often). Most people give zero shits about your face and have their own problems to think about, but they work really hard at making it seem like it's everywhere.