Because women aren't objects to play for and win like a prize in a claw machine. They're people who have thoughts and wants and desires and aren't interested in being treated like an object to be possessed while they're out having fun. If you walk up and you're obviously looking to find something to be romantically interested in, and they want to get to know people like people before anything romantic, you're not going to have any luck. Like a bunch of the other comments said, go find something that you enjoy doing and get to know the people there as humans. Talk about your shared interest, about your goals and wants and desires for your life outside of a romantic partner, and ask them about the same. Surprisingly, once you stop treating women like fresh meat on a savannah and actually try to get to know who they are as people, they stop being so freaked out and might actually be interested in getting to know you as a person.
Greentext
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
Ireland is the only place where pubs are actual genuine places to meet and chat with strangers. And even then it can be difficult. Came back to France after 13 years and I was just flabbergasted at the difference. Everyone is out with their little group and no one seems to talk with anyone outside that little sphere. Only spot where it's socially acceptable to engage strangers is the counter itself and that's about it; and if you do it feels like you're a freak, honestly. I tried a few times to just meet people that way, and gave up.
Only way that worked for me was joining a hobby or sport or some other group like that. Volleyball got me a job within like two weeks of joining! Couchsurfing got me great friends, girlfriends and eventually my wife.
I met my wife at a bar. We've been married 4 years now.
She walked in alone, looking beautiful. Made up, red lipstick, hot dress.
I was shooting pool in the back with some friends before we head to our friends dj set. She sat down in the front, nearly by the door. I handed my cue off to someone and said shoot for me, I need to take care of something.
As I walk towards her, I can see every other single dude, and the not single dudes, and a couple of ladies eyeballing her. I walked with such momentum that anyone considering trying to make the move had already yielded. I walked with such confidence they probably thought I was already with her.
I sit next to her and start chatting. Ask if I can buy her a drink. Introduce myself. Ask what she's up to. Turns out she's trying to go dancing. She was supposed to meet a friend who was running late, but the dance club accross the street they were going to had closed suddenly a few days prior.
It just so happened that my buddy was DJing the best, sold out, ballroom dance party that night. And I was on the list.
We have a few drinks and chat, convince her to come with us if she's trying to dance. She gets in the Uber with some of my other friends I was shooting pool with and I. The friends there and candid vibe set her at ease, it is a little crazy to jump in a Uber with someone you met 30 minutes ago after all.
I get to look so cool when I tell the bouncer I'm on the list, but there must be a mistake I should be listed for a +1 too. No problem, we both get in. It's litterally the best dance party I've been too. We dance, make out, the rest is history.
chat is this real....
TLDR; Chad gets girl ;-)
Oh, but I'm actually a nerdy dnd playing programmer.
OMG! Me too!!
Being a chad isn't really about being buff or something. It's about doing what you did. As you said, everyone in the bar was eyeing her, wondering, imagining. You were the one that immediately sat down and started talking. You risked possible humiliation, the "walk of shame" away from her, etc. You were 10 steps ahead when people didn't realize they could walk up to her.
But at the end of the day, greentext still stands. Your wife didn't really walk up there alone - her friend was late. She would've been in a "group" otherwise. She probably wouldn't get into that uber and gotten to the party if the friend wasn't late.
everyone in the bar was eyeing her
Eh, I take that as exaggeration. I'm guessing a lot of that was in OP's head.
“walk of shame” away from her
OP was with friends. Yeah, they probably would've given him a hard time, but it would've come from a place of support.
It's scary to put yourself out there, and most of the time it doesn't pay off. But at the end of the day, you need to take a chance every now and then or you'll always get what you've always got.
I don't take that as an exaggeration. Someone in a club dress, attractive, walking into a regular bar and sitting alone will turn heads, even as a curiosity rather than lust or romantic interest. Regulars will be eyeballing for sure, you don't see that every day. Random five dudes comming in in jeans, going off to play pool? Happens all the time.
When talking of the walk of shame, the friends are the least you worry about. I'm talking about the bar, the laughs etc. It will happen when you go so confidently and get shut down immediately. I wouldn't be much bothered, but would still need to walk the walk when shut down
Yeah shit, I really didn't mean for the moral of my story to be prey on vulnerable women. But that is kinda why it worked for me isn't it. But she did walk in alone, and I did pounce.
I was really just trying to give advice to anyone struggling. Just be at the place, have shit going on, be confident and charismatic.
It's really not hard.
I don't think you preyed on a vulnerable woman. Wasn't my intention to say that.
But you literally won the lottery. Lottery winners shouldn't give investing advice to broke people. Point is you were lucky. Lucky she was single. Lucky that she liked your looks, lucky that she went in alone, lucky that she had no sense of self preservation and went into that Uber. Lucky that she didn't get a dating app, since women tend to get 100s of responses if not thousands when she's really attractive.
Don't get me wrong, I was lucky too with my past relationships. Some seemed like fate, everything lining up. An old flame reaching out out of nowhere. Me going to exam prep for something that I wasn't even doing an exam for and meeting someone I've been crushing on but didn't know at all. Taking a first date to a predominately lizard pet store (saw it during a walk and acted like going there was planned) not knowing she was a huge lizard fan and actually had geckos at home. But at the end of the day, opportunities like that happen very rarely. When you are looking to date, going to a bar isn't the best choice.
THAT I believe 😂
It's true. My last 5e character was a half aquatic elf, rogue warlock. He was a pirate, so think Cervantes from Soul Calibur.
Fun fact, my SO and I played a fair amount of Soul Caliber when we first started dating. Neither of us like Cervantes.
Cool story bro
Thanks! Our son just turned 3!
Something isn't adding up here.
What's not?
Legit though, why be rude to a fellow for rolling up politely as a dude? Like, if he's hitting on you and it isn't welcome, you tell them up bugger off politely. But just someone looking for some conversation? Man, I actually dislike strangers in general, I've got PTSD issues. But I still wouldn't automatically push the guy away without a solid explanation. And I'm actually known for being blunt about things in public. But when you go to some places, including bars, there's an assumption that it's a shared space and you treat other people as well as they'll allow.
Like, if you aren't willing to be polite and at least explain why a stranger isn't welcome in your group, maybe a bar isn't the best place to meet up? Nobody is obligated to welcome them in with open arms if they don't want to, but you do it nicely because that's a fellow human being trying to be social and friendly. You say, "hey man, sorry, this is an in group situation, we're here as an established group doing our thing." You don't dis them, you don't act like they're bad for looking at you and your group and thinking "maybe those dudes could be cool to hang with". That's a good thing if someone thinks you and your crew are interesting.
I dunno, maybe I'm fucking weird, but as much as I hate crowded places, and dislike random contact, I can't think of a single time where I would have rejected someone without a friendly explanation why.
We gotta be better to each other. We don't all hang the be friends, but we can be nice about it, can't we?
Surprisingly, real world isn't world of Warcraft, people won't have marks over their heads indicating something to you
Yeah, my experience, too. People hang out with their friends in their friend groups. Just sucks that they don't seem to mix anymore. Networking doesn't work if there's neither opportunity nor interest.
Do them same - hang out with your friend group, just have fun and don't press finding a relationship. You first get to know people through that group and later interest and maybe a relationship forms.
You do realize that in most cases it's lack of that friends group the whole problem?
Then go with your colleagues or any group for that matter, book a class about something as someone suggested. 90% of life is showing up.
If you're too disgusting for anyone to have around, work on yourself first (basic hygiene and not being an asshole is usually enough though).
Bruh just find a group activity - fuck I don't know, instead of paying $30 for a beer, take a painting class or something..
Church events work fine, too. My buddy and me went to one in a damp basement and it was about 30 people. 100% women. Average age about 22 I guess. All were dancing. They all immediately started staring at us as if we were edible. Within the hour, my buddy met what would soon become his GF, and I was approached by this amazing girl. I then went on a string of remarkable dates with her.
The kicker: It was a Christian event, but the girls we hooked up with weren't Christians at all.
Lame
... Have you gone to a painting class? It's only couples
Bro, I’m sure one of them want a third.
The local city reddit/discord is gonna have regular hangouts if your city is big enough. That's been my go-to starting point everytime I move.
I managed to get an in-person DND group going by visiting the local game store. There's also the other card / roleplay games available too.
Depending on your age, there's also the local college groups. You could join a cycling group, or a running geoup. Hell, the queer group in my town has a first Sunday coffee meetup.
It's easy to shut down any suggestions but damn, if all you ever do is naysay shit, then you're never gonna get anywhere. Do you want to find friends and romantic partners, or do you want to spend your time crapping on online dating?
I went to a Reddit meet up in 2012 and never went back. Was way too nerdy for me. I presume that’s changed though as the site grew so much since then. But I still wouldn’t go cuz fuck Reddit
or something
You can pick whatever you want. It's almost like everyone likes something different and there's no one answer for finding a romantic partner.
I'm not your mother, be creative and come up with a better idea 🤝
Get a part time job at Hobby Lobby or Michele's. Those places ooze dating-type single woman vibes. There were many things I needed for various projects that have only been locally available from these stores. I get a ton of looks going in there, and I'm like the most oblivious of dudes for that kind of attention.
Just did a class and I was the only guy in it.
It was a welding class.