"It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."
this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2024
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When you get the instructions wrong for self love
When you get the instructions RIGHT for self love
I know this is just a "grass is always greener" because I am horridly burned out at my current gig and it's only getting worse, but damn, I'm really sitting here on my lunch break going "Yeah, gathering fish jizz sounds a whole lot better than going back into this hellhole".
On the other hand, you probably need some marine life education to become the cuddlefish jizzmopper that I certainly lack.
cuddlefish
That's cute actually
nothing to stop you from buying an aquarium and becoming a hobbyist cuttlefish jizzmopper!
They don't want to be a cuttlefish jizmopper. They want to be a cuddlefish jizmopper. Much cozier species.
I stare at a big, brightly lit rectangle and press little rectangles with my fingers.
I get paid about $0.02 per rectangle press on average.
Do the rectangle presses have to form a sort of order? Or can you optimize your pressing by rolling your head on them until the day is over?
Most days I feel like it doesn't matter.
I, too, spontaneously ejaculate if I stare at my reflection long enough.
"would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard. If fuck me so hard"
I have to completely avoid mirrors, myself. Walking down a city street on a sunny day is downright hazardous, lest I catch a glimpse of my reflection.
Imagine the seizure of bliss and horror a carnival house of mirrors with evoke.
I, too, ejaculate if I stare at your reflection
Speeding down the street when the red lights flash
Need to get away, need to make a dash
A song comes on that reminds me of you and I
Jizz in my pants
I need a job like this.
You want a job to get cum out of fish?
You don't?
Like this. Not this job. Basic scientific research.
Would he be considered into autoeroticism?
No, he isn't smart enough to recognize himself in a mirror. He just ejaculates whenever he thinks he sees another scuttlefish, hoping it's a female.
I don't know if "scuttlefish" was intentional but I love it.
(?)