ADHD

The way i think about this is that it is an excuse, but it's not an excuse to not try to work around it.
We all do our best, and for some that really isn't a lot and that's FINE! But there are also probably ways you and others can find that enable you to do a whole lot more, which benefits everyone.

As a really really concrete example: I simply do not have the mental energy to constantly take proper care of my teeth, so i don't try to hold myself to that standard since it would eat away at me and make me fucking miserable.
However i also don't just give up, instead i do my best to brush when i have the energy for it, i take flouride pills to strengthen the teeth, i try to avoid sweets and stuff that harms dental health, and i literally just swish some water around my mouth every time i drink (this dislodges the food scraps and adds a little bit more flouride to the teeth).

Yeah it's not as good as properly brushing my teeth regularly with toothpaste, but it's the best way i've found to take care of my teeth while still being mentally sustainable, and that's all you can ask.

As someone who was long term emotionally abused by someone “because of their adhd” and then later diagnosed with adhd myself, I think a lot of the confusion and messiness around this topic comes from genuinely bad-intentioned (or very young/ immature) people misusing medical language to stymie fair communication in relationships. Many people need accomodations, different communication styles, certain boundaries or conditions to function but they know how to meet their own needs without hurting people and apologize when they need to apologize. But, assholes who want to blame or harm or use others have adopted the exact same terminology as the nice people who just are trying to get their needs met in good faith. I think this is where a lot of the frustration about neurodivergence as an “excuse” comes from. It can be hard to tell which sort of person you’re talking to and unfortunately citing adhd or another condition is sometimes used to shut down someone else’s legitimate hurt feelings about something disappointing or genuinely fucked up that occurred.

it also takes time and maturity and healthcare to figure out what you need for accommodations, how to manage one’s emotions, how to have healthy conflict, etc. No one is perfect or born knowing these things, and not everyone communicating badly or unfairly is doing it on purpose or old enough to know better. People DO need to get the help they need in order to stop, though. If you do have adhd, it can also be messy and hard to discern honest important feedback vs bad faith or unrealistic expectations from others. Recommend therapy for sorting through that.

Edit: just wanna be extra clear that i am NOT saying the above is what you were doing!! Just offering a possible explanation for why OTHER people may be acting and feeling the way they do, and what I think some people actually mean when they say this. Tldr it may not have to do with you at all, lots of jerks are muddying the waters.

One of the worst things in my life is not knowing where my brain disorders end and where my personality begins. It feels like no matter what I do, I'm never good enough for myself.

What’s RSD?

That’s why at some point you lose the ability to feel terrible. Name more iconic duo

There are several studies that show neurotypicals react 30% more negatively to neurodivergent speech EVEN IF THEY ONLY GET A TRANSCRIPT!

They are programmed by evolution to ostracize us. And no one takes it seriously.

Imagine starting every interview, every job, every class, and having a 30% disadvantage in social interactions with EVERYONE, AND the inevitable meltdowns when that disadvantage becomes to difficult to bear.

They really don't give a fuck.

This thread has successfully convinced me that this community is not of people who have ADHD or for supporting same, but of people who hate anyone who does whether that's self-hate from internalized abusive BS or just plain ableism.

Am interested in finding one that's isn't awful, if there's one hidden away somewhere. Will be blocking this pit.

I needed 3 years of ritalin therapy before realizing that all these self managment tips from people that dont have adhd CAN'T work. I saw that because 3 years of ritalin changed me like I never did before.

the problem is: people think I am diddling around because I do nothing. before, I would do a lot of things and always have breakdowns and stop doing them. I was depressed and worse all my life, well maybe not till age fourteen.

Now, I do nothing, i am am kinda happy and pleased with my self like I never was before.

people just dont get it.

i dig being happy. But they want me to be a busybody.

But I really dont know WHY I should be. I just wanna have peace.

That's exhausting? All I hear is fucking excuses. /s

I read a Simon Sinek book as part of a management book club and even hit bullshit misinformation on ADHD in there. It's fucking pervasive and, as a millennial, I am now primarily just fighting against my own shitty internalization from years of passive aggressive bullshit.

I am a manager with ADHD who manages some people with ADHD and it's hard for all of us - I try to give my reports space to fail and overcome ruts "If you find yourself in an unproductive mood don't beat yourself up - if your performance is an issue I'll let you know well before any administrative actions are taken" and it's still an issue.

I am hoping it isn't as deeply beaten into genz but school absolutely wailed on us for momentary distraction... I remember being in a parent teacher meeting (there were a lot of those) where my mom asked "And xmunk is doing well on tests and retaining the knowledge?" And the teacher replied "Well yes, but he's rarely focused in class and is disruptive during our quiet study time." ... I seriously want to go back and slap that teacher 'Study time doesn't benefit me, and if I'm being disruptive to others just fucking send me out to run around in circles in the playground or some shit.' But no... my grades suffered not because of academic failures but because I was partially graded on my ability to mask.

Be fucking kind to your brain - there is an expected level of performance for your job and as long as you're above that you can give yourself a brain break and you should not feel guilty about it.