I can’t believe you’re writing this either. Advice? Stay clear of the toot toot exhaust pipe? Or you know, get a new boss that doesn’t leak so much

Why remove the credit for the OP?

Better out than in, as our holy green swamp ogre says

Liquid ass. That's the solution.

Well, I would love it if my tightly wound boss would pull something like this. Way out of character.

As a college student, I walked into the multi-use bathroom, and proceeded to a urinal. Strange, rhythmic, wet sounds were coming from the lone stall in use. I thought, "Okay, what the hell is this?" and tried to wrap things up quick, in case things got weird. Too late. I then hear another strange sound from the stall, something like crinkling wax paper. None of this made sense to my young mind. Then I hear a wet "plop" from the stall, and more crinkling wax paper noises. I quickly finish up, and turn to leave. On the floor of the stall I can see a partially eaten Subway sandwich. Unbelievable

This base human then picks up the sandwich, and continues eating.

To this day, I do not eat Subway.

Another benefit of working from home.

I worked for a prof who prides himself on being an absolutely disgusting human being. Everyone has stories about talking with him in his office and then lifting his ass on one side to let rip. To make things worse, he had a fridge in his lab that he filled with booze and the stinkiest cheeses he could find, so his breath and farts were so bad they could make paint peel.

There's crazy stories about him traveling to an international conference and puking on the guy sitting beside him and shitting his pants on the same flight.

Then on a university sponsored trip (with other biology profs/researchers) to recruit new students and research collaboration, he drank some brown bubbling "wine" that he vought from a street vendor, that everyone else refused to drink, he shat his hotel bed 3 nights in a row and every time the hotel tried to charge him for it he claimed it was just chocolate that he had been eating in bed. They then proceeded to a remote research station up on a mtn and when they arrived he rushed to the bathroom and broke the toilet immediately. They had to spend close to a week there, with no functioning toilet.

Hope your boss never reaches those levels of depravity, lol.

Edit: spelling.

"he only ever does two, don't be ridiculous"

This is the most British response to a situation like this you could possibly get.

If that's the only issue? Ignore it and carry on. Consider yourself lucky.

If he starts doing "chugga chugga" you really need to watch out