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On a more serious note - check your local laws. My conscience says we're not allowed to have landlords, but where I live you cannot deny capitalists that right, so that part is void. A lot of neighbors also have landlords, so it's very much not fine.

The broker handling our apartment on the owner's behalf told us the owner was opposed to pets, but couldn't legally prohibit us from getting an indoor cat with a wink and the previous tenants had one too. Apparently she didn't kick up a fuss - unlike the neighbour, who must be very happy to live in an area where I know of at least five different cats in the vicinity, given that she deeply hates cats.

I think you're supposed to leave them in the freezer for 3 months then make sure the meat is cooked well done. Or is that preparing bear meat? I'm sure the same rules apply to both.

You'll know you got the ratio right when they say their poison tastes like Pepsi

Then you probably have a cat.

They aren't your pet then, you're their humans so it's fine

All you really need is a good pentobarbital injection followed by a shit ton of potassium, you don't need a medical professional to do it for you, you just need someone to steal it from the hospital. Heck the pentobarbital is just optional if you have a way to hold them down while the potassium infuses.