this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2024
368 points (93.0% liked)

Greentext

3981 readers
1741 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 11 months ago
MODERATORS
368
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
(page 2) 29 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

This is why honesty is important.

Had anon faked his way through things and lied about his intentions, it would have been worse for both of them.

Yah, I know, it's fake, but there's an underlying truth that honesty is better for this kind of thing.

Yes, you will absolutely get shot down 99% of the time (and add .9 to that a lot to get closer to reality), but that's the entire point. You tell someone you want to fuck them, and they can choose based on their own needs and wants. When those align, awesome! Woot for fucking!

Now, should you be an absolute cretin about it? No. There's a difference between being honest and ignoring established social norms regarding language. Currently, asking if someone wants to get barebacked is considered rude, even if they're DTF. You ask with respect and manners. "Hi, random acquaintance, this is anon, I think you're attractive, and have for a long time. I would very much like to get together for sex, is that something you might be interested in too?"

Now, again, most of the time you'll be lucky to not get told to fuck yourself. But that's still better than faking other forms of interest to try and get sex.

And yes, I have actually asked someone that I already knew if they would be interested in at least a one time sexual encounter. And it worked one time. I've asked other people and it didn't work. Since I'm a fucking balding sasquatch in looks, and I was poor as fuck at the time, it wasn't some kind of artificial thing that incels like to blame for their failures.

Be real. Be up front. Be polite. But also be willing to accept the large amount of noes you'll get with aplomb.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

Makes you wonder what the original plan was.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago

He had a chance until the 4channer in him took over in the middle.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Could in theory be saved later by "Sorry, this message was inappropriate, if it's any excuse I was drunk when I sent it." If feeling confident, could be followed by "The part about having a crush on you was true tho.".

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Could be saved by "Yeah, my dog chewed on my phone. He was the one who wrote the text message..."

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Probably real and heterosexual

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

Pray for my people, we have lost our way

[–] [email protected] 287 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Ive had a crush on you for a while

Good start

Are you down ...

hmm

to get barebacked

aaaand derailed

[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I think the best part is that he asked almost like he was making a doctor's appointment lol "are you available at 3pm on Thursday for some dehumanizing unprotected sex with a smelly neckbeard? No? Would Friday work better?"

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 215 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Hell, even "are you down..." isn't bad. Suggested finishers:

  • ...to get coffee?
  • ...for a movie night?
  • ...for lunch/dinner?
  • ...to hang out and chat at the park?
  • ...to meet at the library for a quick game of Cones of Dunshire?

Basically anything but that.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Are you down...:

  • ... To get barebacked? Haha jk... Unless? Haha sorry my cat typed that...
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 month ago (6 children)

What about

  • ...to build my Rivendell Lego set?
  • ...to play some Goldeneye?
  • ...to paint my Skaven army?
[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Who knows? Maybe she's down...

  • ...to lay waste to the city of Carthage for the glory of the Empire.
  • ...to slay King Harold, forever changing the English language.
  • ...for a brisk walk with the boys to the Atlantic Ocean...but first, a pit stop in Atlanta.
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago

Save some women for the rest of us, sheesh

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 126 points 1 month ago (2 children)
  • ... with the sickness? Ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah!
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Damnit now I wanna smash

Sad ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

you don't even get to finish the last ah before she weds you

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

...unless?

Although it was in person instead of text, I did hook up with someone I knew from highschool with basically the same direct approach. It helped that I knew she would find it funny.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There were so many plot twists to this one, lol.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Plot twist: she has difficulty with reading comprehension and understanding modern slang. She actually would have been interested in casual unprotected sex with him. But anon stopped reading and didn't clarify himself.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

Alternate plot twist: she really loves horseback riding and always wanted to try riding a horse without a saddle (i.e. "bare back") but was a little nervous and wanted someone to help her with it. One day, she told herself, she would find the right person to "bareback" with.

Then anon DMs her. "Yes," she says, "I will bareback with you! meet me at the horse ranch."

Anon's like "horse ranch? wtf" but goes for it. The fated hour arrives and anon rolls with it. they all live happily ever after.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 213 points 1 month ago (1 children)

>Wanna Get barebacked?

"Fuggin typical femenoids complaining "

MFW

@_@

[–] [email protected] 83 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And a supposed adult at 21...

What went wrong is anon never grew up - he's still 13

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 month ago (13 children)

being an incel will do that

load more comments (13 replies)
[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Anon got a reply, thats would have been a good start, but no... He had to be horny brained.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 month ago

Stewing your mind in the excrement of downbad incells and neets will do that.

load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›