The lighter side of ADHD
Apologies if this veered too much off topic. I've been kicking this around for a week or two, and felt the need to add recent events and post.
It's 5am, I haven't eaten in 12 hours, had anything substantial to drink in about 8, have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour, and instead of doing something about any of those things I'm editing a comment to fix a typo.
self diagnosed adhd undiagnosed scitzophrenia memes
Disco Elysium but with ADHD
Hey friend. All you can do is get medicated as best you can and learn to say the right words to get what you want out of therapy and make them take you seriously. But make your continued existence your rebellion.
Edit: and granola bars, nutrient drinks, some fruit, few nuts. Learn what your body wants/needs day to day and eating can become a relatively easy chore when you don't have the spoons for food prep. But remember starving fucks with your head.
But make your continued existence your rebellion.
I know I've been fucked in the head literally forever because I remember at 12 years old I gave the sky the finger saying "I know something wants me to just kill myself but you can go fuck yourself."
That's changed now lol I'm tired of being a rebel, but at least I have a family that cares about me so I won't be doing anything final to myself.
I can’t remember who said it, but the quote “it is no sign of mental health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick world” was being thrown around when I was a kid in the nineties, and it’s not like things have improved much since then.
iirc there's something called 'depressive realism' where depressed or otherwise overly pessimistic people tend to be more accurate at predicting outcomes. The implication being that to function as human beings we have to be at least slightly deluded at all times.
That "slightly" there is putting in a ton of work.
I looked that one up a bit ago. The source is Jiddu Krishnamurti, but it doesn't look like the common quote is accurate:
It sure is more concise, though.
I remember that, and I have to say that this attitude contributed to me not thinking there was any point in pursuing help for my MDD.
Don't let the world being shit demoralize you into not trying to improve your lot, ladies, gentlemen and citizens.
Fwiw severe depression with ADHD is a shitty combo because if they give you Adderall without getting the depression taken care of you might just have enough energy to off yourself now.
In my experience Adderall also gave me depression++ when I would come down at night.
Adderall gave me panic attacks during routine problems at work. I pretty much went through all of the stimulants ~20 years ago before I said "no mas" to the pharma-go-round. I'd been rawdogging reality for 25 years, how bad could it get?
Narrator: Yes.
Oof that sounds a lot like what my experience was. None of the meds worked, some worked at making me a goddamn zombie, but not being able to function at work just makes life even more difficult.
Then life goes: here buddy, have the Trump era and a smidge of climate catastrophe, that'll help.
That's what sleep is for, staggering your doses, or just taking something that also tends to have sleepy affects at night like Nortryptiline.
When I told my last PCP that I was having enormous trouble at work she said, "Maybe you don't have ADD, maybe this just isn't the job for you."
This right here is why so many people with ADHD end up changing jobs so frequently.
Also why I am currently searching for a new PCP
I wish this had been me. Instead I stayed at one cushy but low paying job for a decade, then a progressively more and more toxic and stressful one for another decade before I limped away. AuDHD/anxiety/depression is a bitch of a bear trap.
Getting a dog has helped me in ways I never expected. I just figured "cute, cuddle, good for brain chemicals". But they HAVE to be walked at a certain time. They HAVE to be fed at a certain time. Regardless of any of your internal issues, you love them and you have to provide for their needs.
So when you are in the kitchen filling their bowl, you make yourself some toast or grab a banana. When you are taking them for a walk, maybe you go a little farther because they like it and it's good for you. If you struggle to get up in the morning, they look to you pleading to be taken out to pee and you get yourself up and dressed. They need training and that requires being consistent, so you do it for them. It's so much easier to do it for them than for yourself.
To quote Aesop Rock:
Fifteen years taking prescriptions then a shrink's like "I dunno, maybe get a kitten?"
To add: they're extremely good at noticing when you're feeling down and will try to help.
This worked for me, still dealing with a lot of issues but there is atleast a hint of schedule. And one of of my two dogs is extremely finicky about time. She has to be out the door even if there no poop to be shat.