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I agree that for some people, suicide is actually a best option. This is JUST my own opinion. If you've considered it well, and you understand what you're doing, why should it not be a choice? If we had a truly human culture, we WOULD have suicide booths (or at least clinics) for adults of a certain age who meet certain criteria and have thought their decision out thoroughly.

That said, I've wrestled with those same thoughts and feelings when I was younger. Now I'm 60 and nothing could convince me to commit suicide; not just because I'm a lot closer to the grave anyway. But because it's taken me decades to see and love the value in being myself.

I did have to walk away from some truly abhorrent jobs, even at the risk of losing money. And I learned to make more time for the things I enjoy. It's been a process, there isn't a simple magic solution. Consultation with a therapist is very helpful, and can put you back on the right track.

When you are deathly ill, you go see a doctor to get cured. The same should be true for when your mind is ill and upset. Get some good help, and be OK with fighting for your right to feel good. It's not really about who might miss you when you're gone, that's not the right reason to avoid suicide. It's because no matter who might or might not miss you, you have your own intrinsic value and worth that needs discovering.

I have been in the same boat. I have no friends, but a wife and kid. Life sucks a big one, especially work and the work-life balance, and finances, etc.

The only thing that helps me is medicine. I'm on a cocktail of Dextroamphetamine for ADD, Lamotrigine for Bipolar Disorder, and Propranolol for anxiety. I'm still far from 100%, but I'm in the more positive side of the fence.

Talking about problems can help a lot of people, and that's great to have a therapist, but it doesn't work for me. Talking about stuff doesn't change my circumstances, neither does my mindset. Definitely discuss issues with a doctor and medicate. Nothing else has helped me deal with the shit in life.

Decades ago I couldn't stop thinking about suicide. It was persistent throughout many months. Then my doctor gave me lithium. I took it in the morning. By late afternoon I no longer wanted to die.

It's not perfect. I had many crisis since then. I have a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. Nothing I did or took since then was nearly as efficient as an old cheap medicine called lithium. I still take it everyday.

So I guess my answer is "I don't really deal with those thoughts". I don't engage. I treat them. What's the point of arguing with a disease? If I had cancer, would I get chemo or just think about it very hard?

I tend to go with the "distract myself" method. Think about some song, movie, game, etc. Keeps the brain from ruminating on that shit. And usually can manage it long enough that the thought's barely a vague memory afterwards.

Basically, the idea is: Don't feed the demon.

Shits hard, so don't blame yourself. You aren't defective.

Suicide is also a bad idea and you are going to regret it if you find you've put yourself in an unstoppable position. This is evidenced by people who miraculously survive their attempts.

Be brave and seek help. There is zero shame in this, regardless of what the media or social conditioning might say.

There are groups of people that meet regularly for all sorts of reasons. Attend the meeting you can find that most closely relates to your problem. If you don't know what or where that is, I recommend starting with Alcoholics Anonymous. Even if Alchohol is not your problem, they will not turn you away, are likely to listen to anything you have to say and will help you find the group that is right for you.

If the AA group you've found is full of unhelpful weirdos (some are) find another one.

Late stage capitalism is very unhealthy for a lot of reasons and suicide is on the rise.

It may look like it from where you are, but you are not alone.

I have been dealing with this for 24 years. Ideation happens for me when there are no plausible steps I can take to improve my situation, and by extension, I lose interest in things that usually make me happy because they aren't distracting enough to get me off the treadmill.

The only thing that helps at these times is the actions of others to bring me back (if temporarily) to feeling like I'm not cut off from society.

Posting for convenience:

A list of suicide hotline numbers

Argentina: +5402234930430

Australia: 131114

Austria: 017133374

Belgium: 106

Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil: 212339191

Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223

Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)

Croatia: 014833888

Denmark: +4570201201

Egypt: 7621602

Finland: 010 195 202

France: 0145394000

Germany: 08001810771

Holland: 09000767

Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000

Hungary: 116123

Iceland: 1717

India: 8888817666

Ireland: +4408457909090

Italy: 800860022

Japan: +810352869090

Mexico: 5255102550

New Zealand: 045861048

Netherlands: 09000113

Norway: +4781533300

Philippines: 028969191

Poland: 5270000

Russia: 0078202577577

Spain: 914590050

South Africa: 0514445691

Sweden: 46317112400

Switzerland: 143

United Kingdom: Various recources

USA: 18002738255

You are not alone. Please reach out.

I understand how you feel. I go for long walks and listen to some mindfulness gurus. Nature helps. It at least gives me some moments of respite, even if it doesn't truly solve the issue.

You say suicidal thoughts, which I believe you have, but you showed us your depressive thoughts. Some times, it's not intellectual, it's just one aspect of your biology you can't will away. You might need medicine, you'll definitely need to work on it without knowing if your efforts will get results.

I saw in another comment you talking about the things you love. Choose one and really set aside some time to enjoy it. Create a period of total selfishness. Do something practical.

Intellectually, to quiet the voices that are so negative and justify bad decisions, I suggest you question them, specially when they are absolute. For example, "there's no time to dedicate to what I love". Really? No time, zero? Is that the absolute truth? Try to be more truthful. Maybe the time you have is not enough (but again, really?), which doesn't mean zero time generally. Just being honest about your situation can help change perspectives and stop you believing the lies you tell yourself.

Do you enjoy watching videos? There are some professionals I regularly watch that usually help me see the directions I could go to improve myself. To tell the truth, I'm in a low right now and not being treated, but I wish I were.

suicidal ideation is a common coping mechanism for feeling trapped. i think saying it like this helps because it draws a clear line of causality; you feel trapped -> you feel suicidal. i don't think this accounts for 100% of cases, but from both research and experience, it seems fairly common

this also seems to apply to how you're feeling. it seems like you feel trapped in regard to two situations; one, your job, and two, your anhedonia (fancy word for "can't feel happy")

suicidal ideation is, in my opinion, a sign you need to seriously reconsider your consent about your current life. here's a personal example to illustrate this: when i was a couple of years into college, i was passively suicidal from working myself so hard all the time and not doing anything to enjoy myself. i had to take a step back, and seriously reconsider two things: one, that i had never given myself the choice of doing anything other than college (my parents simply insisted i did, and i had no better plans); and two, that nothing in college was worth burning myself out for, and that i needed to set aside time to enjoy myself, the mounting pile of homework be damned. this addresses consent in two ways: the first, that i hadn't consented to this path in life (and was now, retroactively, giving myself the opportunity to either drop out or continue), and the second, that i wouldn't consent to a life where i was only working and never enjoying myself

so i feel like, following this train of logic, it works out to a problem you can solve with your job (how can you get to a place where you have the time to engage with things you enjoy? do you need to scale back your hours? do you get paid enough to use money to offset the hours you'd have to put into cooking / cleaning / etc? can you put extra time in upfront so you can have more time off later? etc)

anhedonia is a little tougher, because it's hard to know if it's caused by the situation. i would try to improve your situation with your job and see if it improves. if it doesn't, you should look into seeing a psychiatrist (and also maybe a therapist). anhedonia is a common symptom as a result of being in a prolonged fight/flight state, which i imagine has gone along with your job stress. however, you may have trouble coming out of it on your own, even with the job stress sorted. regardless, please keep in mind that it is not a permanent problem. your joy will return to you in time

other things you can do in the meantime are to practice deep breathing exercises, try to exercise in general (yoga is especially good for this kind of thing), take some walks outside in nature, try to be present in the moment and in your body

but i think it really just shakes out to making life worth living for yourself, which i definitely believe that you can achieve. it may take time, it may be difficult, but knowing that's where that time and effort will lead makes that struggle worth enduring

There's lots of people out there that struggle with these same issues. You're not alone. The fact that you're reaching out here tells me that you know there is still more to do for you. Seems like you're not done, you're just stuck. I've been there, but I got out and that's definitely been worth the wait and the effort. There's no light without darkness. I feel like I couldn't appriciate life the way I do now, if I hadn't gone through all the shit.

Anyways, you should definitely reach out to a hotline in your country. They know what you're going through and they can help.

Personally, the main thing that makes me stay alive is the hope that it might get better in the future. I tell myself that as long as I believe in myself, there's always a chance for a better future. Always a chance that whatever bullshit I'm in, it'll be over eventually. Additionally, I keep suicide close with me. For all problems, I think to myself that there's always one solution, which is suicide. This thought kind of comforts me, because regardless of how bad things become, I always have an easy way out.

For some general tips, I'd suggest you start exercising. Additionally, make sure you stay hydrated, drink enough and eat enough. Basically, just make sure you've got a healthy body, because a healthy mind cannot exist in an unhealthy body. Or at least, it's very difficult to have a healthy mind in an unhealthy body.

Next, I suggest you start thinking 'What's the main problem in my life right now? If I were a millionaire, how would I use my wealth to get out of my problems?'. If you know what exactly is causing your unhappiness, then you can try and fix it. And if your job is a problem, then be more specific. What exactly about your job makes you unhappy?

I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now.

How are you stuck?

Unless you're literally a slave (which I doubt), the only way one could be "stuck" in a job is because we live in a capitalist society where you need employment to survive. I had a miserable job a few months ago, to the point where suicidal thoughts I hadn't had in a while crept back up. I just quit. Even if that meant uncertainty with regards to housing/groceries (I still haven't found a job and not going to lie, shit's a bit rough right now).

If you're thinking of killing yourself anyway, why not quit? Why not drastically change your life? What have you got to lose? Surely not your will to live. Either you're going to be miserable (which it sounds like you're already there) or maybe things will eventually get better. Either way, you're not going to get much lower morale than being suicidal.

Best of luck to you, I hope you figure out a way to see yourself out of this. For what it's worth, this internet stranger believes in you. Hope to see you tomorrow.

Care to share what you love?

I allow and acknowledge them. I know that I should seek help when they become more concrete, but as log as it's just a death wish it's nothing to worry about.

Do know that your current situation is not indefinite. Sometimes, a door closes but a window opens.

Therapy, exercise, and finding a job with good work life balance.

And when shit gets really bad, Propranolol.