Ask Lemmygrad

Bullying kids (when you're in a role as a educator no less) isn't the answer, I agree. But don't just pussyfoot around the issue either- and don't wait till you're both behind closed doors to tell this brat off. You are responsible for more than just this one wayward child- you have other students who are equally children, and who need to see that this is not acceptable, for various reasons... and these children take priority, whether it be in educating them away from this racist bullshit, or showing them that racism being targeted against them is not accepted- they take priority well before the offending, racist kid does.

A good teacher- hell, any good adult or anyone with a position of power and authority- won't let people, kids no less, run their mouth with racism. It is an immediate failing on your part if the school environment is such that she goes around spewing racist remarks and dogwhistling (and these things never remain that subtle, when the whole point is her being smug and edgy to begin with) with her... shoelaces and/or whatever. Because the impact is much greater than just the one brat.

If you ask me? You should ask any non-white students how comfortable they feel. If you see her dogwhistling and saying racist shit in public you should also confront her in public. That much is not bullying, rather the opposite- it is working to prevent a culture of bullying, and to show others that this does not fly.

What do you feel you owe to the other kids? Because the way I see it you're tacitly agreeing that that kid's ideology (or presentation of it) is acceptable to be displayed.

Yes I do, racist ideology needs to be treated with contempt not with tolerance.

Say things like "wow you're a real piece of shit", " if that's what you believe then I have no respect for you."

I would go serious to show that it's not funny, but also calm to prevent defensiveness.

I would then pick apart why they said it. Asking "why did you feel the need to say that?", and then explaining how that makes ME feel about it, is a great starting point. For any sort of disruptive behaviour the best approach (in my opinion) is to be a mirror so they can see themselves through your eyes.

Example:

Teacher: why did you feel the need to say that?

Student: I dont know

T: did you find it funny?

S: I dont know, maybe. Other people say it too

(at this point don't do the adult argument of "what other people do shouldnt concern you")

T: well, I dont know how other students here feel about it, but personally I am disappointed in you. I thought better of you, and I would like to respect you, but right now I can not. It's a word that has a very negative history, and I'd suggest you learn more about it, before using it so lightly next time.

I would also engage the students who are most affected by it and ask them to express how they feel about it.

Another good tactic is to turn it back on the perpetrator and ask them how they would feel if someone used so freely a term they found offensive.

You might benefit from Restorative Justice practices. https://www.iirp.edu/school-resources/guides-for-implementation

There are many RJ practices out there. The general schema is to involve all parties when harm is committed to collectively address or seek to heal from the harm. Your student might benefit from empathetic writing prompts.

“I said _____. It made me feel _____. I think others would feel ____.”

From your original post it sounded to me like you were being assertive towards her, so sorry if I misunderstood.

For the skinhead friend: I'd suggest you ask common friends during a break privately. Approaching the ones that also seem concerned might be the best course of action.

Having discussions in class is great, but try to engage her in dialogue. Take a seat and let them take charge of the discussion. Just moderate to keep things civil, calm and in the realm of logic rather than emotions. Keep calm and try to be/seem open to her ideas and ask questions. Sometimes people just need a wall to bounce their thoughts on so they can actually process them.

If this change is as recent as you say then it might just be a phase as she is thinking things through. Give her time and opportunity to do that.

I'd also suggest you let her explore other aspects of her German origins. There's no great examples to be positive about people of African descent in German history, but still, she might get interested/distracted by other parts of German history.

No problem. Thank you for your kind words!

I will just address this really quickly: I am struggling with giving any advice and the POC term.

Advice, even the best, can misguide or cause harm down the road and POC is just a weird abbreviation for me, mixed / different / multiple races feels fine but POC just pulls some wrong strings in me. That might be a preference or just being picky about english language, but that’s where I stand.

With all that out of the way, let me try to approach the other matters constructively but let’s be honest, it mostly will be just guessing.

So, as you say, there was a conscious intention behind that choice. Someone else in the comments created a very good list to pick from, but my bets will be similar, there is a reason for that choice and most often than not, this reason will be rooted at home environment.

So, first line of approach for me would be understanding her and the background, where that idea even originated from to express something like that in this way? Maybe from parents? Maybe friends? Internet? Maybe she, personally had some unpleasant interaction the other day with someone with a different skin color than hers and that’s her reaction to all that. But, again, going back to the list from that other comment, you might be not able to find out or actually do anything about all that.

Why you can’t get through to her, I will go with some quick guesses because there is no way for me to know.

• This might be a trigger type situation. You might be giving her attention that she doesn’t get at home and it infuriates her to the core, or on the other hand, you can be reminding her of one of her parents in your approach or something like that — you won’t get there now or anytime soon.

• This might be a “spotlight” problem, this situation from her perspective might feel like some interrogation, those situations can quickly turn the fight / flight / freeze response.

• You might be, in her eyes, the enemy, cool kids are too cool to interact with teachers, right? Or maybe you are not cool enough for her to bother even listening to you. Or maybe she just rejected you because you rejected that one thing about her and she feels threatened / unsafe / misunderstood.

..and so on, every minute I can come up with another reason but they all mean nothing, just random, empty guesses. There are plenty of games that we play with each other to avoid the communication.

• Other list said something about respect and treating as equal in conversation — this can get you into many places while talking with kids, teens and young adults, or people in general but it has to be sincere and not forced, and as everything else, has its limits too.

It is really great that you are showing and expressing your boundaries as a teacher, what you accept and like, and what is not tolerated in your classroom, that you try talking and connecting.. the tricky part is, this classroom is mostly (besides some lucky exceptions) filled with minds not yet fully aware of what boundary, rule, differences, understanding, decision making, consequences or respect (and so on) even means.

Again, no solutions or any advice, just a story time if you feel like reading it.

One of the coolest teachers I ever knew was helping teens that were stealing or selling drugs, mostly because of drug or alcohol abuse at home, pretty often violence. He helped with returning stolen items, helped repairing them if they got somehow damaged and above all that, with overcoming the shame of admitting guilt or saying sorry; sometimes even with some part-time job seeking or legal issues. But he had all the means and skill to do it and many, many, many years of experience. I don’t know how or why he started doing all that but at the time I’ve met him, he already was a well known solution for many people and “if you fucked up bad, go talk to that guy, he will help you sort that out” was a thing people kept saying about him in their own circles. From what he told me, he got a lot of help in his life and he just repays his debt. Plus he had some crazy captivating stories to tell.

He was always in his classroom talking with someone, reading a book or doing something on his computer. But he just was there and if anyone needed him, he was there.