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this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2024
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one of the psych2go moments
"Give me all your money, you don't need it anymore"
Awful people will do awful things and can get away with it. You might need to get away from someone like that at this very moment. If you are aware that you're in a locked in abusive situation and feel incapable of doing anything about it, you should seek out help from people in your vicinity who are stable. I.e people who aren't awful.
You need to seek out someone trustworthy, dependable, who can help you to a life of independence or at least to get you away from whatever abusive relationship or environment you currently are in. This might be private citizens, organisation or government body depending upon where you live.
Remember, mental violence is violence, and no matter who you are, you deserve love, respect and dignity. You don't have to be alone in dealing with the consequence after the fact.
Deep and unconscionable trauma in repeated successions over years can manifest in personality disorders that could take decades to treat. Damage to the psyche is defacto violence and qualifies as such in many courts. Optimally getting out early is key, so don't delay. But remember: it is never too late.
Please don't wither under someone's shadow or fade into a pit of despair. Your life's light deserves to shine, and it can shine elsewhere.
I am aware that I am locked in an abusive situation with her but I am afraid that she will kill herself if I just abandon her. What do you think I should do?
You have options depending upon the situation. You can either:
A. Brace her for the break and slowly take your distance from her. Make her see that you need to leave for the best of the both of you, that using a relationship as a crutch is not a good thing. B. Get her the help she needs, assuming she wants it, either through family, local community, organisation or local government body, and then letting them take the reins. C. Gtfo out, now.
The last one is reserved for when she tries to manipulate, control and otherwise subvert you by using suicide as a threat. This is a cyclical behavioural pattern whereby she gets validation when successfully subverting you, effectively creating a chain of incentives to continually subvert you. This means it might be impossible for you to reason with her at all and she needs someone else to do that. At this point, you really don't have a choice in the matter.
Replace pronouns with whatever you want, because this is a human problem and relationships with a basis in perlonged abuse can rarely be salvaged - at least in my opinion. If there's any dealings either part needs to have with each other, say because of shared custody, it should be with lawyers or with other representatives that can mediate.
Again, you are loved, you deserve respect, you deserve dignity, and the same with her, but if she is abusive and it's widdling down your psyche, you are actively enabling her abuse and harming yourself in the process.
I feel the need to qualify that I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, professional consultant or social worker. I just have a bit of experience myself. You should probably get in touch with someone to try and figure out the best solution for your situation.
I wish you all the best.
Call emergency services maybe. If she's in such a bad state that it takes your mental health being damaged to keep her safe, that's a very bad position where external intervention is warranted. Or she's using that as emotional blackmail and calling emergency services will catch her bluff. Either way, it's a good option.
well we are online friends and I don't know her irl. Do I hwve another option?
fun fact for the future: someone being suicidal is not your problem and you should not try to help beyond referring them to helpful resources
theres a reason mental health professionals are PROFESSIONALS and not just random kind people
you are (likely) not trained to handle this situatuon and thus should not engage in this lest you experience real trauma or worsen the other persons situation
so do not kill yourself in the process of trying to be the sole force stopping them
edit: felt the need to add if someone you know is experiencing suicidality, oftentimes the best and safest choice is just to make plans
suicidality is, in the majority of cases, spurred by short-term issues making people feel trapped in their current situation
so plan things with them! plan going out to a concert or restaurant! plan how they can enjoy life in the future!
this is something i feel VERY strongly about because of my own past experiences with feeling the need to "negotiate"
keep in mind im not saying you cant just talk about life with people expressing these ideas, just make sure the conversation doesnt turn into a "negotiation"
ty for reading my long ass comment thats indirectly about my own experiences i love all of you lemmings kthxbye <3
A professional is better, but someone close that's helpful is still better than nothing
stfu every case of deppresion and suicidality is different and a lot of professionals are incompetent one of my trans friends almost killed herself because her therapist gaslit her that she wasn't trans talking to those people helps
i said nothing arguing that suicidality is not unique or that professionals are always competent, i argued that trying to negotiate with someone who is suicidal is often traumatic and the average person isnt qualified to perform such negotiations
What if she says, "I would rather kill myself than speao to a therapist".
Yeah. The main way most people can support someone in that situation is by letting them know that you're there for them and helping them get assistance from an external professional. Even trained professionals aren't supposed to work with people they know if possible. Getting them to talk with someone who has distance is important. All you should do is listen without offering advice and making sure they feel cared about.
You're not responsible for them. Unless they are in the middle of an active attempt, all you should do is encourage them to seek help or help them get help. That's the only conceivable time anything resembling negotiations should ever happen, and even then, you want to hand them off to experienced professionals as soon as possible.
Outside of suicidality, it's important to not give advice outside of what's asked for. It's useful to talk in respect to your own experiences and not make universal claims about what works for you personally.
Outside of suicidality, it's important to not give advice outside of what's asked for. It's useful to talk in respect to your own experiences and not make universal claims about what works for you personally.
Thanks for this.
There is a german proverb for this: "Ratschläge sind auch Schläge", meaning that advice, even when given with good intention, feels like a punch. Every time someone gave me advice i didn't ask for while depressed felt horrible, like an accusation of laziness and lack of discipline. Don't do this.
Pretty helpful insight tho thx