sigh Misplaced my wallet earlier this week and I really needed it today.
Hopefully when I get home I'll be able to find it, highly unusual that it wasn't in my bag today as I thought I put it back in there earlier in the week.
Stressing about it.
this post was submitted on 08 May 2024
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doesn't help you right now but for when you find it again: sticking an airtag in mine has been one of the better decisions of my life!
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It's in your pants that are waiting to go into the washing machine dw
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No work for me today - colon went boom about an hour before I was due to start and my clients were a 97 yo and another household where both the client and the carer have autoimmune issues, so I phoned in and said 'it could be moving stress or it could be something, what do?' I was told very firmly regardless to Stay Home.
Back to the packing!
I've been reading a lot of stories on Reddit about people who are caretakers for elderly relatives and there are an alarming number of people who are the victims of abusive relationships with their parents - often being groomed from childhood to care for their parents and grandparents at the expense of their own lives. It does make me wonder how many examples of elder abuse are the result of people who have been victimised hitting back.
Coercive control is generally talked about in terms of romantic relationships but it is a major theme in the way a lot of these people have been treated by their parents/families. There was one woman who was put into a caretaking role for her grandmother when she was 12 and raised with the expectation that caring was her only role in life - to the extent that she was pushed to become a nurse so that she would be able to provide full time nursing care for her grandmother in the future.
The worst part is that a lot have had all their options taken away - they have given up their working lives so have no money and no employment history, they have not had a chance to establish relationships and families of their own, and staying in an abusive caretaking relationship is the only reason they are not homeless. There are so many parallels to the experience of "battered wives" who eventually retaliate against their abuser.
I'm not sure there is any real solution to the mess that is human relationships, but hopefully the increased awareness of coercive control will help people recognise it in all sorts of relationships and increase the support available to people to get out of them.
My father raised my sister and I to be completely dependant on him, so much so that he actively kept us from learning about the world.
I didn't make a friend until I was 14 years old. I wasn't allowed to have friends. We were locked in the house. Only allowed to go to school and shopping which we were escorted to and from. We were prisoners.
Plus the violence and emotional abuse.
The damage he did to me in particular, led me down an incredibly bad path because I literally didn't know better.
He died alone.
He died alone.
I just wanted you to know the power of that statement shook the room I'm sitting in.
The same will happen to my mother, if you can call her that.
Fuck emotionally abusive parents. Why have a kid if your just gonna abuse/neglect 'em?
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This is absolutely so true and very rarely acknowledged or talked about. Both men and women can be abusive and commit coercive control in family relationships. The key attribute is an abuser will choose a victim they find vulnerable and work to keep them that way. For men it might be a female partner, for women they will often do it to a child or an elder. Male to female romantic relationships is visible but talking about other kinds of family coercive control is often laughed at or disbelieved, or worst of all, accepted as cultural norm. It is very very real and creates life long trauma for the victims. I think people who had normal childhoods can never really understand how toxic and devoid of love some parents can be.
The cultural norms part is definitely an issue here too - a lot of the people trapped in these caregiver roles either have other family members calling them selfish for wanting something different (I think we probably need to recognise that coercive control can be commited by groups of peoples as well as individuals) or have internalised that idea and think they are being selfish themselves. Seeing someone worrying about being selfish when they have given up everything else in their lives to care 24/7 for parents who are constantly abusive and require more physical care than one person can reasonably handle is heartbreaking.
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Strange question: How do you ask for a nice big warm hug from your partner without ASKING. I feel like a need some spontaneous affection, like I come home and just get a bear hug or something. But asking totally ruins the feeling of the surprise. Coffee is like a lukewarm limp handshake for the soul, but I will take it!
Is this a thing specifically about what happens when you come home? If so you might want to think about role shifting and how that is working for both of you - you have had time on the trip home from work to mentally make the shift from your working role to your home role, but she is going instantly from her role of mother to partner and might need more time to mentally make that shift. Talk to her about what she thinks about it, but it might work better for you both if you start a routine along the lines of you taking tiniest for a while to give her some time alone to just regather her thoughts and prepare to be "partner" and not just "mother" - maybe take a shower, go for a walk, whatever works for her.
Good point, but this predates the kid. I think its just a fundamental difference in love languages I guess.
Maybe say to her "sometimes I really want a hug without asking so when I put my arms out would you be ok with that". If you do that often enough it becomes habit.
I feel sad you have to ask for a hug but if you don't communicate with your partner then they don't know what you want.
Yeah its deffo come up before, gets addressed for a few weeks then sort of falls apart, which is fine cause the need is addressed but in a few months I'll need it again and we just kind of spiral.
Also important to recognise you might have different "love languages".... Yours might be physical touch and theirs might be words of affirmation for example... Which is the case for us. I actually need to remind myself that my partner needs me to hug her.....
oh its totally this. I think maybe I just need to take the lead on some of this stuff to reminder her in a non verbal way.
Yeah that is so true. Also don't forget to make each other laugh.
Never stopped trying
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Was awake at 4am and grabbed to cat for a cuddle in bed. Cat fell asleep cuddled up. Cat suddenly wakes up some time later, and leaps into the air off the bed. Lucky I only got a small scratch.
My spicy cat came in for snuggles at 4am too. Very unusual behaviour from her. She ended up with her front paw on my mouth, but I couldn't move because snuggles!
Miss Meow has been coming in for cuddles a lot more now that the weather is cooling down. I sleep on my side so she usually curls up on top of me. She's pretty good at moving off if I roll over and then climbing back on again, but if I move too much she either curls up at the end of the bed or leaves the room entirely. If she is still there in the morning she is generally displaced by Mr Woof's enthusiastic jumping when he decides it is time to get up.
I did not have brain worms on my politics bingo card. 🧠🪱🪱🪱
I'm out of the loop on this, huh?
A worm ate a bit of RFK Jr.'s brain. Not all of it though.
Wtf is it with kennnedys and headshots
Oh my god I almost pissed myself laughing. Well done.
you're kidding, right?
Apparently true.... Just googled "brain worm politics" and yeah... RFK Jr had a brainworm
Wtf
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I wish I was a crow. I'm only 2km away from somewhere I need to go via crow, but 4km by car or 6km by PT
It took 38 minutes there, and 46 back, getting there involved 3 connections across 2 modes of public transport (excluding walking). Returning was just 1 mode, but did involve ~25ish minutes of walking because the schedules didn't line up
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Up early after Zooks woke me up by sitting on my shoulder, so I decided I'd tackle some more clearing and sorting.
Last day of work before the move. Kinda wish I'd taken this week off as well, but I suspect I would have faffed around more if I had. Plus I wouldn't have scored free cat food from one of my clients after her cat sadly died.
Breakfast 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍈🫐🍓🍇🍉🍌🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥦🥑🫛🍆🍅🥝🥬🥒🌽🥕🥐🍠🫚🥔🧅🥯🍞🥖🥨🧀🧇🥞🧈🍳🥚🥓🥩🍗🍖🫓🍕🍟🍔🌭🥙🧆🌮🌯🥗🍲🍜🍝🥘🍛🍣🍱🥟🦪🍥🍘🍚🍙🐠🍤🪼🦀🐙 🍗🥮🍢🍡🍧🍰🧁🥧🍦🍨🎂🍮🍭🍬🍫🥜🌰🍪🍿🍯🥛☕️🍵🍺🍶🥤🧋🧃🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🔋
Energy! Energy! E N E R G Y !
🔋🔋 🔋!
Thank you
Something depressing that will make me feel sluggish and unmotivated please
📄
Whatever's on that's energising and motivating, plz chef
🥦🥕🌽🧅🥔🍲
I've been getting to sleep super early (around 8/9pm) for over a week, and it's been going well, it's nice to be awake for sunrise. But tonight it just wasn't working. Tossed and turned from 8 until 10, finally got to sleep sometime around 10:30 or maybe 11, then had a bad dream and scared myself awake by 4. Can't get back to sleep, so I guess my day starts now
I had a haunted dream, dreamt of a big building with haunted medieval face carvings that moved, then a big relief carving of an elf came to life and tried to kill us.
I don't even remember what was in my dreams last night, but I do remember it wasn't fun
Thank you Brion.