this post was submitted on 08 May 2024
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The cultural norms part is definitely an issue here too - a lot of the people trapped in these caregiver roles either have other family members calling them selfish for wanting something different (I think we probably need to recognise that coercive control can be commited by groups of peoples as well as individuals) or have internalised that idea and think they are being selfish themselves. Seeing someone worrying about being selfish when they have given up everything else in their lives to care 24/7 for parents who are constantly abusive and require more physical care than one person can reasonably handle is heartbreaking.
One cultural norm is that little old ladies are weak and vulnerable.
my FIL was a sexist ass , so sexist it could not cross his mind that his new wife was an abusive bitch who was after his money, not that he had much.
His doctors told him she was abusive, his nurse, his family, but he was so wrapped up in the idea he was smarter than everyone that he couldn't be told.
She abused him so bad.
But she was a little old lady and it would have been difficult to sue her.