this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2025
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parenting

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My husband is very upset that our child doesn’t sleep better and thinks it is my fault. He apparently should be always sleeping through the night and also sleeping way longer than he does. Our kid is not two yet.

So that was a big fight this weekend. He told me I should go on meds so I can handle hearing our kid cry more. Not happening.

But today was better. We got a blackstone grill and also went to chick fil a. They have this thing where you can surrender your phone to them while you eat and if you do you get a free ice cream. I got the free ice cream and me and my child shared it. Highlight of my day.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Your husband sounds like the one who needs meds. Our 2yo still finds ways to get up at odd hours. Its getting better but that's still a reality. We had really long stretches where both of them would be up at odd hours. That's just how it is. If your doctor isn't concerned about your kids sleep then its normal.

I've slept in the basement on a couch to try and get sleep. I've cried myself to sleep because it was the 100th time a kiddo woke up and was in our bed. I've slept in their bed to help them sleep countless times. Our oldest is 4 and our youngest is 2, so its been 4 straight years of kids not sleeping, and I've never once blamed my wife.

In fact, I was also very angry about the sleep situation and eventually went to a therapist to deal with my anger. I got back on ADHD medication. So I'm not being flip when I said the above.

The sleep schedule of kids is hard. These kids have brains growing, teeth popping out, bones stretching, its got to be hell! For millions of years humans lived in collectives where everyone would take on the task of helping with with the babies. Now we lock ourselves into a house and leave the responsibility on just the parents. Its messed up.

Just know it's not you. You're doing your best, and that's good enough. Postpartum is very real, and I honestly believe men suffer a form of it as well but its never acknowledged or addressed. I'm sure its a result of the above, not having the support that we've had as a species for millions of years.

I have to know how he thinks it's your fault.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I believe that is just how it is as well.

We have been having a variation of this argument since our child has been old enough to be sleep trained. He is very for cry it out and I am very not for it. Therefore the reason why he wakes up at night is because I answer his cries.

The problem with the “If your doctor isn’t concerned” part is that my husband IS a doctor. So whichever way he decides is the right way, is the right way. It’s endlessly frustrating. I was a nanny for years before this, but I am not considered the authority on childcare in our relationship. I believe this is fully a relationship issue and not a sleep issue.

He also told me if I go in the room to get our kid he will not have more kids with me. I went in to get him.

But our kid is doing pretty good with sleep in my opinion! He wakes up once a night usually and I have to help him back to sleep, takes a few minutes. He stays on his own floor bed until the sun comes up and sometimes I can get him to nap in my bed for a bit. He goes to bed so late though, but he isn’t a terror. I am up anyways.

For a bit it was so hard for me too and I did go on medication as well. I was considering going back on them this week after what happened with my neighbor passing last week. To have that weaponized against me is so cruel. Rough week.

Anyways, I wish we lived in a group where everyone helped each other a little more. It’s been a lot. We are military and moved in the last year so it is really just me and him and this child. Thank you for making a community on here and giving me a place to write essays.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

The problem with the “If your doctor isn’t concerned” part is that my husband IS a doctor. So whichever way he decides is the right way, is the right way. It’s endlessly frustrating. I was a nanny for years before this, but I am not considered the authority on childcare in our relationship. I believe this is fully a relationship issue and not a sleep issue.

I'm sorry, is your husband a pediatrics doctor? Because if not, maybe he should not be talking outside his specialty. Regardless, you have a pediatrics doctor, no doubt, and that doctor should be the authority full stop. You also have more experience raising kids. I know people whose kids were not readying to sleep on their own until 5. We're actually really lucky that they're both sleeping in their room.

Sleep training is bullshit as a method because it doesn't work for all kids. There is no evidence to my knowledge of it "working". It sounds like what you're doing is totally fine.

He also told me if I go in the room to get our kid he will not have more kids with me. I went in to get him.

I'll be frank with you. This kind of language is abuse, and I'm very concerned that he's talking to you like this. You have to wonder what else is he willing to hold over your head? This is definitely language that would give me pause in my relationship.

But our kid is doing pretty good with sleep in my opinion! He wakes up once a night usually and I have to help him back to sleep, takes a few minutes. He stays on his own floor bed until the sun comes up and sometimes I can get him to nap in my bed for a bit. He goes to bed so late though, but he isn’t a terror. I am up anyways.

Again, this sounds really normal. We started a nighttime routine with our kids around 2 years old. Lights out at 7:30, stories, then bedtime. It took them some time to really ease into it, but it's become a solid part of our night every night.

We are military and moved in the last year so it is really just me and him and this child.

It's funny you mention the military. My wife grew up in the Navy, and when I read this out loud to her, it tossed some red flags up. I don't fully know your situation, if you are state side or not (you don't need to say), but it's worth saying that you're very much at the mercy of his position, and he probably understands that. Healthcare, Military Housing, job security, and it really limits your personal opportunities, that's a lot of cards he's holding.

Thank you for making a community on here and giving me a place to write essays.

I needed a space like this when we had kids and couldn't really find one that I jived with, so I tried to step up for myself, but for others here too. I'm glad this space has given you somewhere to talk honestly about your situation.

I hope I'm not coming off too hot, but that's just my perspective from here. Obviously, you know your situation better than I do. Hopefully, things get less frustrating for you soon.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 hours ago

No one I know knows about this website yet, but I might delete some identifying comments in the future because I have faith they might one day.

He is not a pediatrician but is in Family Medicine. Still, I have a friend who is in pediatrics and even she is not as intense. She actually has a copy of a recording I took of him yelling at me and he said all those things I mentioned in it. The language definitely gave me pause, it was so toxic. Things are otherwise back to normal. I told my friend I am not compromising and not going to raise my current child differently because of hope for future children.

I really do think it is all normal. I think doctors also hear a very small glimpse into other people’s lives. I am sure a lot of people tell him their kids are sleeping fine. I have also seen his coworker, who says their kid sleeps through the night, let their kid cry in their crib while they swam in a pool. It just isn’t for me. I am told I am too responsive but I see them all as not responsive enough.

The military is such a problem. My other friend says he is taking out work stress on me. They are so demanding of him he doesn’t really have a lot of energy at home. Still not an excuse to behave the way he did. Also I feel like that is why we need to go by how I raise the more because I am home more. He is about to leave for a couple months and that has happened multiple times already… so of course our kid is needy to me and I am responsive to him.

Anyways, thank you. You are not coming off too strong. It was an intense situation and your response to it feels like how I felt, so it’s nice to hear.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

We just had a long weekend here in Australia and I took the kids down to another part of the city with farms, a dinosaur park, and an airport.

They had a great time but the room was a bit small and we were all a bit sick

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Took the babies to the small local zoo and a train they can ride through the park and they enjoyed it!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

We took our boys to this dinosaur park and it had a train we didn't even know about. Kids just love riding trains of all sizes

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Got our oldest's recital today. Going to be busy. I'm already tired.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Annnnd do to some communication issues we got there for an earlier show but were actually in the later show.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Guess that’s better than the other way around at least!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Yeah we gambled this morning and assumed it was early and struck out. Definitely better then missing it. She had so much fun! She loves being in stage lol.