Canada

Lord only knows. Speaking from personal experience I'm an externalizer so I've never had a thought of suicide however I have been on the record telling people there are times when I wish everyone else was dead.

I think it's the end result that sought after not the action itself. To be alone.

Suicidal thoughts and homicidal thoughts are very similar to each other. Even if we think of it as "harming only yourself to harming everyone but yourself" our brains think of it as "harm a human" and the target is just switched. Plus, harming everyone around you and getting sentenced to life in prison is arguably a greater "self sabotage" than suicide.

Trying to make sense of what's happening inside the thoughts of a mentally ill person is futile in my experience.

The mental illness causes their thought process to operate in ways that are not necessarily logical or consistant.

Psychotic depression, or psychosis episode by some undiagnosed issue, altered state due to substance/meds mix… the mind is a fragile thing. I’ll (hopefully) never fully understand it, but it can happen to “regular” people, given some mix of circumstances.

Sometimes they’re also just killers with a death wish 🤷‍♂️