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Seems like I am meeting twice a week with the chef girl on the regular now, we swap who comes over who's city each visit. Things are going pretty well in that respect, but my life is still a bit of a mess as I can't get effective ADHD medication because my diagnosis was private (because the waiting list for a diagnosis on the NHS is 2+ years), so now I have to suffer through being unmedicated and buy what little methylphenidate I can afford off the black market to keep myself sane for the foreseeable future, makes me feel pretty fucking hopeless.

Stay strong, bees.

You got this 😎

I don't have insurance yet because my work was unclear about how to apply for it and I kept forgetting to ask. Due to that my anxiety is through the roof and I'm finding I also have sensory issues. On the bright side I'm in two DnD groups and I was able to get a used VR headset for my birthday, as well as a new desk!

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Sad, cancer

Well, my grandmother who has only ever made me feel uncomfortable and I haven't talked to in 2 years was diagnosed with cancer and my family is likely going to expect me to interact with her or even them about their grief, but I do not grieve this person and cannot comfort them in their grief

Work has been stressful due to the social politics

Dog decided to throw up on the bed at 2:36am🫠

Blood tests came back.

Everything's fine except my potassium is very slightly elevated, so need to run another test next week to double check it. Unfortunately, elevated potassium can be caused by kidney stuff, so now have to do those tests as well. I think also some hormone involvement, so maybe that, too.

Otherwise, all the muscoloskeletal and fatigue stuff is still unexplained. Last time I checked my potassium and kidneys was like three years after this shit started and they were fine then, so I don't think think that would be root cause.

Welp, not really going to concern myself with it now. I need to relax and there's no point making up scenarios in my head. Will do the tests, and we'll see what happens depending on the results.

Based on one of these recent results, though, something I can say, and it's really fun to do this: "It's not lupus!"

its ok :D

Pretty crappy, really, I've been laid low with what is most likely a flu since Tuesday. I'm still sick, but I think I'm getting better now. At least it doesn't seem to be covid(I took two tests and both came back negative).

Very good, got back from my fifth date with the chef girl and it went super well, we spent hours together and we both managed to get off in the end as well unlike the first time where I couldn't keep it up from the anxiety and anticipation.

Starting to be a lot more active around here because a lot of people (read: deranged spammers) have been posting uhh... Sketchy shit (putting it way too lightly) in other places (Kbin was where I was most active before) and I just don't want to be around that.

Had a rough lecture the other day and the imposter syndrome smacked me hard. I was teaching students in a skills lab, a sort of optional space where if they are struggling they can join me and learn basic items their prior courses didn't prepare them for. For context, a budgeting class where they never opened a spreadsheet before.

So I walk them through the basics, how to use formulas and functions, simple stuff like SUM and using conditional formatting to make negatives red. I must have clicked it typed something and missed it and f'ed the last 10 minutes. Pie charts broke. Wouldn't filter or sort my data by color. Man. It was a cluster fuck.

I woke up this morning, huge headache, and realized I'm just damn tired and drained. And it's resulting in cracks in how effective I can be in the classroom. Really need this term to end, I've got too many classes and too many students to teach in top of my own research, family balance, etc.

CW

Well, tbh I'm in bed 24 7 since my meds ran out. It's going to take a few more weeks until the new ones arrive. It's a complicated and traumatizing process to get access in this country. I'll just have to hold out a bit longer, and then I'll finally be able to continue healing again.

And I just received the message that my grandfather died. I just don't feel anything, and I know I am going to miss this funeral as well. I just hope he's in a better place and that he can finally understand why I couldn't visit him, and that I really wanted to see his smile one more time.

I registered an account at Beehaw 😁

I’m learning Boolean Logic in my Discrete Mathematics course, and it’s really cool! Lots of writing for the proofs though 😮‍💨

Not great. I keep thinking about suicide as a preferable alternative to having to work a shitty day job to barely scrape by in a slow-roll apocalypse until I expire of natural causes, or possibly climate disaster or World War III. Maybe I could do some good with it like Aaron.

Found this website thanks to a comment on another site, so that's pretty cool. Still trying to figure out what the Fediverse is, but since it's defederated, I guess that doesn't matter?

Wife and I are on week two of our daily walks (barring the weekend, we are lazy) and I've been keeping up with a few exercises in between, and that's been encouraging. I've always been cleaning more and have just generally been more on top of things since the funeral. I do need to read this manga I bought and this cool black horror anthology comic, but they're not going anywhere.

All in all, doin' fine! Thanks for asking.

Shitty, because we're potty training.

Luckily the kiddo is doing better more than not, but we're having issues with daycare. They said they would "follow our lead" on what we're doing, how we want to approach this, etc...but the reality is not that. And I get it, they have 15 kids to manage and you can't have someone pooping their pants and not telling them about it, it's more just our own frustration that the teachers/admin said one thing and we're seeing another (and never sat down to map some of this out). A lot of our frustration would have been solved if they said how they do things and we could adjust to their style. This is really the first time we've been disappointed in our daycare, it's been fantastic otherwise ever since we started with them.

Plus the poor kid fell in the toilet at school last week because they were playing too much/not paying attention (not at all shocking to me TBH) and has been terrified of the school toilet ever since. The upside is at home over the last weekend, we're calling it one and a half accidents in 2 days, with several longer outings/trips in there.

In non-bathroom news, work slogs on, child #2 is shockingly imminent for us, and I'm mad at my wife for introducing me to The Traitors because I've had a blast watching it and I'm not usually a reality tv person.

Nothing too special going on in my life. I've got a lot of little early transition things that I'm working on, but other than that I'm just vibing. I do have a cute new pair of oversized glasses coming that are going to replace my geeky wire-frame transition lenses, so that's exciting.